Thoughts from a Wife and Mommy

Will Medicine Stop The Pain?

2011-07-12T13:00:00.003-04:00

Let's be real, ladies. I think it would not be a stretch at all for me to say that probably half or more of the women I know are on or have at some point been on medication for depression, anxiety, and the like. For those who have not, you will likely at some point consider it or wonder if you need it. Some of you may think you know what is causing your troubling emotions. Some of you have no clue. Some of you think your troubling emotions are purely physical--a disease of sorts. Some of you are not sure. Some of you just want to know what in the world is going on inside your heart and mind.

Today, I am not going to delve into a long explanation of any of this. Why should you listen to me right? I'm no doctor or psychiatrist. Instead, I want to point you to a book written by just that--a former psychiatrist and current biblical counselor: Will Medicine Stop the Pain?: Finding God's Healing for Depression, Anxiety, and Other Troubling Emotions by Dr. Laura Hendrickson MD and Elyse Fitzpatrick.

You can actually read the first 20 pages or so of this book HERE on Google Books.

Who should read this book?

-Anyone who is currently or has in the past taken any kind of medication for depression, anxiety, panic attacks, etc.
-Anyone who is considering taking medicine for depression, anxiety, panic attacks, etc.
-Everyone else, because you will likely consider it or go through a difficult life experience where your doctor recommends it at some point in life.

What is this book going to tell you?

The back cover of the book lists these questions that this book will answer:
-Where do my feelings come from?
-Is emotional pain a disease?
-Can I really change?
-What is wrong with me?

Nancy Leigh DeMoss writes in the Foreword:

"Countless women struggle daily with depression, anxiety, out-of-control moods, and other troubling emotions. Will Medicine Stop the Pain? offers clear answers to help women handle emotional problems in a stable, God-honoring way.

The authors, both seasoned biblical counselors, include stories from real people and practical advice on issues like how to talk to your doctor. Read this book to learn:

* How your body and your emotions affect each other.

* Why drugs that help you feel better may end up making your emotional problems worse.
* How applying biblical principles can help you deal with the true sources of your pain.
* Why it is possible to respond to emotional pain in faith and hope.

“God is with you—no matter how you feel. His promises are stronger than all your feelings.”

I urge you to read this book all the way through—with a prayerful heart and an open mind. It may be one of the most important, helpful books you have read. It will likely challenge your thinking on many fronts. It will certainly give you a vision for how your suffering (and the suffering of others) can become a path to great blessing and growth and can result in the display of God’s glory in this fallen world."

Just another tidbit--Dr. Laura Hendrickson, in addition to being a former psychiatrist, was herself once diagnosed with depression and bipolar disorder. She herself spent years on medication. She herself was on the brink of smothering her son and killing herself one night years ago in the midst of all these troubling emotions. She didn't. She asked her husband to take her to the hospital. He called their pastor instead...She herself has been completely off of medication for over sixteen years now, praise God! You can read her story in the Google books 20-page preview HERE.

This book does an excellent job of explaining the connection between the spiritual an physical--how each affects the other. She combines medical knowledge with scriptural truth in an easily understandable way to help you understand what is causing your emotional pain (is it physical? is it physical in some cases?) and how to deal with it in a biblical, God-honoring way. The most wonderful thing is that not only will dealing with these issues biblically be the way that glorifies God and adorns the gospel, but it will also be the only truly effective way to deal with your troubling emotions. As is the case with everything in life, God's way is the only God-glorifying and personally satisfying way to do it. Isn't that wonderful that in obeying Him, the LORD gives us true delight and peace?

So before you take anything or before you take anything else, would you please consider reading this book? Wouldn't it be wise to take the small amount of time it would take to read this to ensure that you have a proper perspective of these issues--a perspective that is firmly grounded in God's word--before taking something? God's word is sufficient, dear friends, for all of life and godliness--even and especially for our troubling emotions.

(Fitzpatrick, Elyse, and Laura Hendrickson. Foreword. Will Medicine Stop the Pain?: Finding God's Healing for Depression, Anxiety & Other Troubling Emotions. Chicago: Moody, 2006. Print.)

Out of Touch With Reality

2011-06-24T13:29:00.004-04:00

I've had a couple of conversations with friends in the last week or so that have gotten me thinking on a certain issue in the life of the church these days. So, I'll give you a break from gender roles today. Here's what I've been chewing on...

Just yesterday I was talking with a friend about how many people within the church nowadays have this idea that theology, or really just a deep understanding of God's word that requires time, effort, and study is just for pastors, ministers, seminary people, and the like. They feel like the average Christian really has no need for that. They'll just leave all that academic stuff to the theologians and they can be a good Christian without it. Along these same lines is another prevalent thought. Many people also think of most pastors, ministers, seminary students, etc. as sort of "out of touch with reality."

I would like to address both of these thoughts. First let's talk about theology, which is basically just a proper, sound understanding of the doctrines and truth of God's word. Is it just for ministers and seminarians? The answer to that is a resounding NO. Imagine this:

Imagine that you are legally blind. You go through life unable to correctly or clearly see anything. This would make for lots of problems. Things that should be easy would now be difficult, dangerous, and perhaps disastrous. Things that are intended to be enjoyable and satisfying would be frustrating and loathsome.

Theology is like the right prescription lens. Theology is the lens through which you are intended to view all of life. If you don't have it or you don't have it right, then you are basically wandering through life spiritually blind. You wonder why things don't seem to work the way they should, why you have so much trouble doing this or that, why this thing is so depressing...because you need to put on the right glasses. You need to see life through a correct and thorough understanding of God's word. Many people are like this spiritually. Either they don't know they are spiritually blind or they are aware of it but they are unwilling to put in the time and effort required to know God's word. They'd rather just leave that stuff to the pastor. They don't realize that the blessings of having the right "glasses" far outweigh the time energy necessary to get them.

Now about theological people being out of touch with reality...This thought is based on a commonly believed falsehood--a lie that Satan delights to deceive us with--and it is this: that theology and reality are unrelated...that there is no connection between theology and the "real world" (whatever that means). Actually just the opposite is true. The reason that many people think that theological people are out of touch with reality is precisely because theology is so intricately connected with the practical realities of everyday life.

Let me explain. My husband and I are young in the ministry, but even the mere four years of seminary that he has completed have drastically altered our everyday life. You see nearly every aspect of our day-to-day lives is different than it would have been had he not received the sound and thorough teaching that he has. The theology has impacted our reality in an immeasurable way. "Like how?" you ask? We do marriage differently. We parent our kids differently. The fact that we have two kids and want more is a result of theology. The fact that I am at home and not in the workplace is a result of theology. How we spend our money is a result of theology. How we celebrate some holidays is a result of theology. The church we go to is a result of theology. Don't tell me theology is disconnected from reality.

But this brings us back to why most people think that ministers, etc. are out of touch: Oftentimes theology has, in fact, impacted their lives to such an extent that they do many things very differently from most people, even most people in the church...and to most people doing things differently (especially for religious reasons) = being weird = being out of touch with "reality."

If Scripture is true and it really does have everything we need for life and godliness, then why would we not want to love God with all our mind? Why would we not desire a correct and thorough understanding of God's word? Why would we want to leave it to the pastor? Why would we want to be spiritually ignorant and spiritually blind? Why would we want to make things hard for ourselves in life that should not be? Why would we want to make things unsatisfying that were intended to be a blessing?

We should desire to be taught sound doctrine above all else, and you don't have to go to seminary to do that. It starts with your local church. The teaching and preaching of sound doctrine and of the whole counsel of God's word is one of the tasks that is assigned to the church in Scripture. Sadly most churches these days give you a theology that is a mile wide and an inch deep. That is why it frustrates me so much to hear the remarks of many people today who are looking for a church. They are concerned about the music, about it being contemporary, about how nice of a children's ministry it has...about everything EXCEPT theology/sound doctrine. In a nearby town there is a great church whose pastor faithfully preaches sound doctrine. The correct and thorough preaching and teaching of God's word is preeminent in the life of this church. However, the pastor is not the most charismatic speaker around, and their worship is slightly on the traditional side. So, many young couples scratch this church off their list and head down the road to some church with an awesome praise band and a contemporary atmosphere.

Please, folks! God's word must be FIRST on your list of criteria! Otherwise, you will be well entertained, but spiritually blind. Oh, you'll get great music and meet lots of people your age, but you will be anemic in the very thing that has all we need for life and godliness (for God's glory and your joy in your marriage, in your parenting, in your job, in your finances, in everything): God's Word!. I would rather sit through a service with music that is not exactly my taste, and a bunch of elderly people, and a pastor who is dry but preaches the whole counsel of God's word correctly, thoroughly, and with no apologies any day than be entertained with lots of lights, and a praise band with a bunch of men in skinny jeans, surrounded by lots of young couples, listening to a pastor who is entertaining, but shallow (or even worse: entertaining, but wrong).

You will not find everything you need for life and godliness by sitting back content to remain spiritually ignorant and shallow--leaving the theology to the ministers. You will not find all you need for life and godliness in a praise band or a large young married group. You will find it in God's word. I have come to love Psalm 119. David goes on and on for 176 verses about how much he loves God's word. May that be our heart as well.

"I find my delight in your commandments, which I love. I will lift up my hands toward your commandments, which I love, and I will meditate on your statutes." -Psalm 119:47-48

Further Defining the Roles: What Do We Do?

2011-06-22T15:20:00.001-04:00

So, we understand that we are created equal, but we have different roles. We get that we are to submit and our husbands are to lead. But there's more. Headship and submission is the overarching concept that applies to our gender roles. But your womanly role itself is not simply to "do whatever, just do it in a submissive way." Thankfully, the Bible, which has everything we need for life and godliness, tells us specifically what our roles are as men and women. What do we do...practically speaking?

Well, to find our answer let's begin at the beginning. In Genesis 3 we see that Adam and Eve have sinned and God curses their roles. Did you catch that? God does not curse men and women; he curses the role of the man and the women. The roles that were once natural and easy for them to fulfill are now, because of their sin, going to be difficult.

So, to figure out what our roles are, we need only to look at the curses. When we read how the woman and man were respectively cursed, we will see what their role is. Easy as that! We find the curses in Genesis 3:16-19.

-God cursed the woman in childbirth: "I will surely multiply your pain in childbearing" (3:16)
-God cursed the woman in child-rearing: "in pain you shall bring forth children" (3:16)The Hebrew word here refers not only to birthing but to bringing up children as well.
-God cursed the woman in her relationship with her husband: "Your desire shall be for your husband, and he shall rule over you." (3:16) The Hebrew here is not a positive desire, but rather a sinful desire against the husband or to rule over the husband.

So we can see from the curses that a woman's primary God-ordained role is nurturer and helper. Her primary role is to bear and raise children and to help her husband. Because of sin, this role is now difficult. Childbearing will be painful. Child-rearing will be painful, figuratively. Instead of wanting to help and submit to her husband, she is now going to have to battle a sinful desire to rule over her husband.

Let's look at a couple of other passages in the New Testament (emphasis mine):

Titus 2:4-5
"[...] and so train the young women to love their husbands and children, to be self-controlled, pure, working at home, kind, and submissive to their own husbands, that the word of God may not be reviled."

1 Timothy 5:9-10, 14
"Let a widow be enrolled if she is not less than sixty years of age, having been the wife of one husband, and having a reputation for good works: if she has brought up children, has shown hospitality, has washed the feet of the saints, has cared for the afflicted, and has devoted herself to every good work.[...]So I would have younger widows marry, bear children, manage their households, and give the adversary no occasion for slander."

The message of these passages is right in line with Genesis 3. The primary life focus of a woman is to help her husband and nurture her children (the helping/nurturing applies to single women and girls, too...we'll get to that later). The epicenter of these tasks is the home, which she is to manage. This is God's design and command for us as women. As such, we must order our lives in such a way that we are not hindered in any way in accomplishing these tasks.

So, what about the man? Well, when we flip back to Genesis 3 we see that God cursed the man's work. (Let's get this straight, now: Work itself was not the curse. Man worked before sin. However, before sin work was delightful and enjoyable.) We read in Genesis 3:17-19, as a result of sin, man's work will be difficult. Psalm 104:23 says: "Man goes out to his work and to his labor until the evening." We won't spend much time talking about the man right now. Basically, what you need to know is that based on Genesis 3 and the word and example of the rest of the counsel of God's word, a man's role is to protect and provide (work...gainful labor...a job).

Tomorrow we'll go one step further and make the application even more practical. We'll discuss what it looks like to nurture your kids, help your husband, and manage your home.

Suggested Reading: Womanly Dominion by Mark Chanski and Manly Dominion by Mark Chanski

The Biblical Basis for and Purpose of Complementary Gender Roles: Part 4

2011-06-20T21:22:00.000-04:00

This is the most important, in many respects, of all we've looked at thus far on gender roles: The Purpose..the "Why?"...Why did God, in his purposeful & wise sovereignty design male and female--equal yet different? Let's look at a couple of reasons:

(1) To Reflect the Nature of God Himself.

Do you know who the original example of headship and submission is? Do you know who was the first to demonstrate a relationship of equality of being and diversity of function?? GOD HIMSELF! That's right! We serve a triune God--Father, Son, and Holy Spirit. Each carries out a different function or role. The Son submits to the will of the Father; the Spirit submits to the Son. But they are all equally divine. It is not degrading for Christ to submit Himself to the Father; indeed, according to Philippians 2:5-11 this is His glory. In our marriage relationship we have the opportunity to demonstrate to the world the very nature of God himself. When we function according to God's design in Scripture, we rightly reflect the image of our Triune LORD. When we choose to do things our way instead, we sin and wrongly image our LORD to the world.

(2) To Reflect the Relationship Between Christ and His Bride the Church...which is the gospel.

In Ephesians 5 (emphasis mine) we read these words:
"Wives, submit to your own husbands, as to the Lord. For the husband is the head of the wife even as Christ is the head of the church, his body, and is himself its Savior. Now as the church submits to Christ, so also wives should submit in everything to their husbands. Husbands, love your wives, as Christ loved the church and gave himself up for her, that he might sanctify her, having cleansed her by the washing of water with the word, so that he might present the church to himself in splendor, without spot or wrinkle or any such thing, that she might be holy and without blemish. In the same way husbands should love their wives as their own bodies. He who loves his wife loves himself. 29For no one ever hated his own flesh, but nourishes and cherishes it, just as Christ does the church, because we are members of his body. "Therefore a man shall leave his father and mother and hold fast to his wife, and the two shall become one flesh." This mystery is profound, and I am saying that it refers to Christ and the church. However, let each one of you love his wife as himself, and let the wife see that she respects her husband."

So, in functioning according to God's design we demonstrate the relationship of Christ and the Church. When we choose to do things our way instead, we sin and wrongly image this relationship to the world. Do you see the major problem here? This relationship--between Christ and the Church--is the gospel. When we get this wrong, we are wrongly portraying the gospel to the lost world.

Let's meditate on these truths and allow them to motivate us to submit ourselves to God's design for our marriages to the glory of God and the advancement of the gospel.

We've done a quick overview of the overarching concept of headship and submission. In the coming weeks, we will look more at Scripture to discover what exactly our God-ordained role is as a woman. In other words, God's design is not just "Do whatever you want, just do it submissively." Thankfully, the LORD made it much easier for us and laid out some specifics for men and women's roles in His word for His glory and our satisfaction.

The Biblical Basis for and Purpose of Complementary Gender Roles: Part 3

2011-06-13T07:36:00.002-04:00

In our last post we looked at the equality of the sexes in Genesis Chapter 1. Today we will flip over a page or two to Genesis Chapter 2:7-24 ESV:

7then the LORD God formed the man of dust from the ground and breathed into his nostrils the breath of life, and the man became aliving creature.[…]15The LORD God took the man and put him in thegarden of Eden to work it and keep it.16And the LORD God commanded the man, saying, "You may surely eat of every tree of the garden,17but of the tree of the knowledge of good and evil you shallnot eat, for in the day that you eat of it you shall surely die."18Then theLORD God said, "It is not good that the man should be alone; I willmake him a helper fit for him."[…]20The man gave names to alllivestock and to the birds of the heavens and to every beast of thefield. But for Adam there was not found a helper fit for him.21So theLORD God caused a deep sleep to fall upon the man, and while heslept took one of his ribs and closed up its place with flesh.22And therib that the LORD God had taken from the man he made into a womanand brought her to the man.23Then the man said, "This at last is boneof my bones and flesh of my flesh; she shall be called Woman, becauseshe was taken out of Man."24Therefore a man shall leave his father and his mother and hold fast to his wife, and they shall become oneflesh.

Strauch points out that this topic provides a great opportunity to see how "the Bible is its own best commentary" (Strauch, 21). By this, he means that most often our questions about one passage of Scripture are answered by another passage of Scripture. Let's demonstrate: The fact that God created Adam first is extremely significant in this gender role issue, and Strauch writes that "[w]e don’t have to guess what that significance is because the New Testament provides us with a divinely inspired commentary on Genesis 2.[...]the same God who breathed out the words of Genesis 2 also inspired Paul to comment on the true meaning of those words" (Strauch, 21):“I do not allow a women to teach or exercise authority over a man, but to remain quiet. For it was Adam who was first created” (1 Tim. 2:12-13a). So basically, the New Testament uses the fact that Gad created Adam first to demonstrate God's designed for male headship. It's not merely suggested or implied. No, it is clearly and directly stated, inspired by the Holy Spirit, in plain English...or I guess I should say Greek (Strauch, 21).

A second point to look at from the Genesis 2 passage that gives us a foundation for differing gender roles is that woman was formed from man (Woman being formed from man also demonstrates the equality of their nature.). This is another great example of Scripture interpreting Scripture. In 1 Corinthians 11 Paul (inspired by the Holy Spirit!) uses Genesis 2:22 to demonstrate God's design of distinct roles for the sexes. Paul writes in 1 Cor 11:8: "For man does not originate from woman, but woman from man." This reference to Genesis that Paul makes in verse 8 is to prove his statement in verse 3: "the man is the head of a woman." In other words Paul writes that the man is the head of the woman because woman originated from man. The role distinctions that the Holy Spirit writes of through Paul in his letters are based upon Genesis 2. (Strauch, 22)

A third point to take from this passage is that God created the woman for the man. And, again, we can use another Scripture to bring out this point. The New Testament commentary on Genesis 2:18 which says that woman is to be a help to the man is 1 Cor 11:9: "for indeed man was not created for the woman's sake, but woman for the man's sake." Paul is again using verse 9 to prove verse three--the man is the head of the woman because woman was created for the man's sake. The fact that the woman was made for the sake of the man is proof of the biblical doctrine of headship and submission according to what the Holy spirit writes in 1 Corinthians 11. (Strauch 23)

Now, let me jump back to yesterday for a moment and talk about equality again. At the end of this passage in Genesis 2, we see another example of the equality of the sexes. Here we read of the very first marriage--the Father presents the bride to her groom. "God fashioned a partner for Adam"--a complementary, suitable helper--"out of his rib. This demonstrates their equality in nature" (Strauch, 24). We can see in Genesis 2:23 that Adam recognized that the woman shared his nature and that she was not just another animal. Because she was made from man, she also shared in his nature. She also bore the image of the Holy God. (Strauch, 24)

Okay, I know that was a lot of stuff to take in at once. But I hope you will read the Scriptures we discussed carefully and meditate on them a while. Please keep in mind that we are going to discuss the purpose of God's design soon. For now just familiarize yourself with the "what" of God's design and we will get to the "why" soon enough. I highly recommend Strauch's book. What we have looked at merely scratches the surface of everything he covers. He does a great job of presenting the material in a straight-forward and easy-to-understand manner. You don't have to be a seminary grad to read this. The book is also no inordinately long. He tells you what you need to know and where to find it in Scripture without any frills. This book is not some pleasure read to entertain you; it is to educate you on the truth of God's word on gender roles--a truth that will have great bearing on your day to day life. More later...

Strauch, Alexander. Men and Women, Equal Yet Different: a Brief Study of the Biblical Passages on Gender. Littleton, CO: Lewis and Roth, 1999. Print.

Birth Control: Is Yours on the List?

2011-06-03T14:30:00.010-04:00

(We will continue our gender role discussion tomorrow...I need another book from my hubby's office.)
I've posted about this before (a loooong time ago), but I want to post on it again because it is such an important issue that affects pretty much all women. Even if you have read this before, I encourage you to scroll down and see if your birth control is on the list below of birth controls that alter the endometrium. My goal today is to make you aware of moral problems with many (most) forms of birth control, so that you can make a wise and God-honoring choice with your husband. First let's discuss how most birth control works. I have provided a list below of the products currently on the market that work this way.

Birth control (pills, patches, IUDs, etc.) functions in three ways. You can think of it like three lines of defense. The first way it functions is to prevent an egg from being ovulated, which is fine.

...but sometimes an egg is ovulated...

So, the second function is to thicken the cervical mucus in order to attempt to prevent sperm from reaching the egg, which is fine.

...but sometimes the sperm does get through to the egg...

This is where the moral issue arises. When the sperm reaches the egg and fertilizes it, this is conception. The embryo now has 23 complete pairs of chromosomes and its own DNA. As Christians, this is when we believe life begins. Even the world's leading non-believing scientists concur. The third function of birth control is to alter the lining of your uterus (to thin the endometrium) in order to prevent the embryo from implanting in the uterine wall. Instead of implanting the embryo is aborted from the body.

Do you see the problem? Life begins at conception, and birth control works to flush this life out of the body. This is no small issue. This function of birth control is abortive.

Now, at this point most women are terrified because they think that this means that they are going to have 20 children. Wrong. May I remind you that before the advent of the pill in 1960 there were women who had one child, women who had two kids, women who had 10 kids, etc. There are several barrier birth control methods that do not pose moral issues as well as the natural rhythm method.

Sadly, I have heard of many Christian women in recent months who have found their doctors very reluctant to discuss with them or prescribe them any of these appropriate methods--even Christian doctors. Many women have told me that their doctors told them over and over again about how much more convenient the pill is...how these other methods are archaic...how there is only a small chance of this happening...and on and on. Some doctors have even wrongly told women that certain forms of birth control do not work this way. For instance, a friend of mine asked her doctor if Mirena worked this way. He told her that it did not, yet the product website clearly says that it does. I say all this to make the point that you need to do your research and do it well before taking anything. You need to know the right questions to ask your doctor.

An additional concern that you should be aware of is this: Birth control can affect your body for up to one year after you stop taking it. Many young women are prescribed birth control for acne and other reasons. Suppose one of these young women gets engaged. She might assume that she could just stop taking the pill right before the wedding and it would be fine. But her body could be affected (her endometrium could still be thinned) for up to a year into her marriage.

A final caution I want to give you is this: Don't just take your doctors word for it, even if you have a great doctor and think you have made your desires clear as far as what you do and don't want your birth control to do. Do your research. I know of several ladies who knew that some forms of BC were unethical, communicated to their doctors that they did not want anything like that, and yet their doctor still prescribed birth control that does work in all three ways listed above. The problem is that these ladies went home thinking they were taking something that was okay. Take advantage of the Internet (there are links below) for research and specifically ask your doctor if the BC is going to alter the lining of your uterus in any way.

So, when examining a product look to see if it says that it does anything to the uterus. Some product descriptions will say it "thins the lining of the uterus," "alters the lining of the uterus," "makes the uterus inhospitable for the egg," "causes changes in the lining of the uterus," etc. Another point to note is that many websites say that the thinned endometrium prevents the egg from implanting...this is incorrect terminology since it is no longer just an egg. Since conception has occurred it is now an embryo.

Below is an alphabetical list of the products currently available that work in the three ways listed above (I had no idea how many types of birth control there are!). The links are to the product descriptions where it tells how they work. Most of these say in the very first paragraph that it changes the uterine lining; a few require you to scroll down some. This list is not exhaustive, but I have tried to include all the brand names and generic names of everything available. I encourage you to scan down and see if yours is on the list. If you don't see yours, then go to Drugs.com and type it in to find out if it affects your uterine lining, and thus the implantation of an embryo.

Alesse
Apri
Aranelle
Aviane
Aygestin
Azurette
Balziva
Beyaz
Brevicon
Camila
Cesia
Cyclessa
Demulen
Desogen
Ella
Enpresse
Errin
Estrostep Fe
Femcon FE
Gildess FE (all kinds--same medication as Leena, just a different brand name)
Implanon
Jenest
Jolivette
Junel Fe (all kinds)
Kariva
Kelnor
Leena
Lessina
Levlen
Levlite
Levora
Loestrin (all kinds)
LoSeasonique
Lutera
Lybrel
Microgestin (all kinds)
Mirena
Mircette
Necon (all kinds)
Nordette
Modicon
Mononessa
Nora-BE
Norinyl (all kinds)
Nor-QD
Nortrel (all kinds)
NuvaRing
Ortho-cept
Ortho-cyclen
Ortho Evra
Ortho Micronor
Ortho-novum (all kinds)
Ortho TriCyclen
Ortho TriCyclen Lo
Ovcon (all kinds)
Ovrette
Portia
Previfem
Provera
Reclipsen
Safyral
Seasonale
Seasonique
Solia
Sprintec
Sronyx
Tri-Levlen
Tilia Fe
Tri-Legest Fe
Tri-Previfem
Tri-Lo-Sprintec
Tri-Nessa
Tri-Norinyl
Tri-Sprintec
Triphasil
Trivora
Velivet
Yasmin
Yaz
Zenchent
Zovia

The Biblical Basis for and Purpose of Complementary Gender Roles: Part 2

2011-06-01T13:04:00.003-04:00

(If you have not, please read the previous post before reading this one.)
Today, we are going to examine the "equal" part of equal yet different.
Let's look first at Genesis 1:26-28:

26Then God said, "Let us make man in our image, after our likeness.And let them have dominion over the fish of the sea and over the birds of the heavens and over the livestock and over all the earth and over every creeping thing that creeps on the earth." 27So God created man in his own image, in the image of God he created him; male and female he created them. 28And God blessed them. And God said to them, "Be fruitful and multiply and fill the earth and subdue it and have dominion over the fish of the sea and over the birds of the heavens and over every living thing that moves on the earth." –
Genesis 1:26-28 (ESV)

There is a very obvious point that we can take from this passage immediately. Do you know what it is? You probably missed it...I did: God created them male and female.

"And...?" you say.

Have you ever considered that God did not have to create different sexes? He could have done whatever He wanted. He could have made one androgynous creature with the ability to procreate itself. He could have made ten different sexes...the Creator of all things could have done whatever He pleased, but He chose to make two sexes, male and female. "Why?" Well, we will answer this much more specifically at the end of this series, but here's a preliminary answer. God's design was not some sort of arbitrary whim. He didn't just throw a bunch of numbers in a hat and pull one out to decide how many different kinds of human beings he would make. No, our God is a God of purpose and order, and, indeed, His design of two different sexes has a purpose. Let's continue now to look at His design and we will come back to exactly what the purpose is later.

In the Scripture passage above, there are two points that demonstrate the equality of the sexes. First, we see that God created both man and woman in His image. Men and women equally bear the image of God. This demonstrates that they are equal in dignity and being and equally necessary and important to God's design for the human race. Second, we see that God commanded both the man and the women to to multiply and rule (have dominion over) the earth. We will look more at what that dominion looks like for men and women in the following posts.

So, today we need to plant it in our brain that (1) God's design for the sexes, in accordance with His character, is one of purpose and (2) that men and women are equal, equally bearing the image of God. Tomorrow, we will begin to dig in the the "different" of equal yet different...which is where the gender role controversy is centered.

Strauch, Alexander. Men and Women, Equal Yet Different: a Brief Study of the Biblical Passages on Gender. Littleton, CO: Lewis and Roth, 1999. Print.

The Biblical Basis for & Purpose of Complementary Gender Roles: Part 1

2011-05-31T13:05:00.002-04:00

It is going to take a few posts (4 maybe 5?) to unpack this one, ladies. Some of you may be familiar with this topic, and some of you may have no idea what I mean by "gender roles," but PLEASE trust me: If you are a women, then this applies in a HUGE way to every aspect of your life. Some of the stuff may seem boring or inapplicable at first, but stick with me. One sweet lady, after sitting through our class on this commented to me that, apart from salvation, nothing has impacted her life more than being taught about this topic...and she wished someone had taught her 30 years earlier.
Those of you who did the Womanly Dominion book study will remember that before we began Womanly Dominion we did a whirlwind synopsis of Alexander Strauch's book Men and Women, Equal Yet Different: A Brief Study of the Biblical Passages on Gender (Those notes can be found HERE.).
This series of posts is going to be taken straight from that. Please stick with me through the whole series...don't get mad and quit without having read all the posts :) My hope is that by the time we finish we will
(1) have a clear understanding of what Scripture says about God's design for gender roles,
(2) have a clear understanding of why God designed it that way, and
(3) be able to go straight to Scripture to back all of that up...
and (4) APPLY IT TO OUR LIVES!

Today, let's just start with some definitions. First, complementarian

Complementarianism-The view that teaches that God created men and women as equals with different (complementary) gender-defined roles. (Strauch, 6)

Egalitarianism-The view that teaches that men and women are equal in bearing the image of God and that true equality requires that there be no role distinctions imposed on either gender. (Strauch, 8)

Let's expound: Complementarianism says that men and women are equal in personhood, dignity, and worth (Gen 1:26-28; 2:18) and with respect to salvation (Gal 3:25-28). Complementarianism also says that men and women have different roles which are laid out in Scripture as a part of the created order for God's image-bearing creation (Gen 2:18, 21-24; 1 Cor 11:7-9; 1 Tim 2:12-14). Mark Chanski in Womanly Dominion put it like this "Equality of essence is accompanied by diversity of function" (Chanski, 38).

So, as you can see from the title we are going to be looking at why we believe complementarianism to be biblical. In so doing, we will see the errors in the egalitarian view. Let me end with the general definitions of complementary gender roles. In the next post we will begin to look at the biblical foundation for these views. Additionally, we will explore why you have likely never been taught any of this even if you have grown up in a conservative church...definitions:

MEN-God designed man to be protector and provider, and specifically husband and father. He is to be the head of the family and to lead the church family. (Strauch, 7)

WOMEN-God designed the woman to be helper and nurturer, specifically wife and mother. She is to actively help and submit to male leadership within the family and church. (Strauch, 7)

Strauch, Alexander. Men and Women, Equal Yet Different: a Brief Study of the Biblical Passages on Gender. Littleton, CO: Lewis and Roth, 1999. Print.

When Mothering Gets Tough

2011-05-27T13:02:00.005-04:00

First, I know I said we would be talking about gender roles...two days ago...but that has been postponed for two reasons: (1) Blogger would not let me log in for some reason over the last couple of days and (2) there are some great quotes that I want to use in our gender role discussion, but I cannot find their source to cite them. I thought they were from one book, but I searched feverishly through it with no luck, and I know they are way too profound for me to have thought of them...soooo I will continue to search and find their source so that I can give credit where it is due. For today, I want to share a little quote and some encouragement for you mommies out there.

Let's talk straight here. Scripture is true. Children are a blessing--period. But some days they don't feel like a blessing. When you are waking up with your child for the fourth time in the middle of the night...when your child has been crying for three hours straight...when you are trying to clean throw up out of a favorite furry blankie...when you are cleaning up the third potty training accident of the day...when your child just ran his sister over with his power wheels tractor for the fourth time...when you just spent $100 buying your kids clothes, but you haven't had new clothes in forever...

How exactly are all those things a blessing? How is the LORD doing good to me in these kinds of circumstances? How am I supposed to obey Scripture by rejoicing always and giving thanks in all circumstances in these circumstances?

This is a great quote from Deborah Howard's book Where is God in All of This?: Finding God's Purpose in our Suffering:

"Everything that is brought into our lives is there because God either caused it or allowed it to be there. And whatever is brought into our lives is designed by God for our best good and for His glory" (Howard, 27).

In other words, whatever difficult circumstances you may be facing--including the daily challenges and stresses of motherhood--have been ordained by God for your good and His glory. How is all this good? Let's look at Romans 8:28-29:

28And we know that for those who love God all things work together for good, for those who are called according to his purpose. 29For those whom he foreknew he also predestined to be conformed to the image of his Son, in order that he might be the firstborn among many brothers.

The LORD is using both the joys and challenges of mothering (if we respond in a God-honoring way according to His word) to sanctify us--to conform us more into the image of His Son. In His perfect wisdom, our Heavenly Father has ordained and allowed the exact circumstances in our lives that we need for our sanctification. Whether it is a particularly fussy child, a handicapped child, or just some trivial annoyance--we don't have to wonder why the LORD has allowed this to happen. We can know that these trials are for the purpose of conforming us to the image of Christ.

We may not feel like we are being blessed. We may not feel like we have reason to rejoice or give thanks. We may not feel like the LORD is doing good to us. We may feel just the opposite. But thankfully, as believers our lives do not have to be (and should not be) rooted in and directed by our feelings. Rather, we are rooted in the firm foundation of the truth of God's word and we are directed by the Holy Spirit. I may feel like I am going to lose my mind, but because of the the word and the Spirit I am able to do several things:

(1) I am able to recognize that I am responding to my circumstances in a sinful way that is not in line with the truth of God's word.

(2) I am able to recognize that Satan is trying to deceive me into questioning God's word--his goodness and sovereignty over my circumstances--in order to lead me to disobedience. Remember Eve?? Satan began by causing her to question God's word ("Did God actually say..." Gen 3:1), then tempted her to doubt God's goodness by questioning God's motive in not allowing them to eat of the tree (Gen 3:4-6).

(3)I am able to know what obedience looks like in this situation. I am able to discover what righteous acts I should replace my sin with. (For example, I should replace my impatience and harsh words toward my children with patience and with words that edify and give grace.)

(4) I am able to respond in an obedient, God-honoring way in spite of my circumstances. I am able to put off the acts of the flesh and put on acts of righteousness.

Ultimately, when I am having a hard day, or week...or life, I must consider Christ. If God's only Son (not to mention nearly every other faithful person in Scripture) was not spared from difficulty, pain, temptation, trials, and suffering, then why in the world should I expect to avoid not only major suffering but even minor inconvenience in my life? And if Christ could go through all that he did in His life and still know and trust His Father's love and goodness, then should not I?

Sister, let me encourage you today to believe that God's word is true. Our God is a good God who loves us. That which glorifies Him most will also satisfy us the most--and that is humble, joyful, thankful obedience regardless of our circumstances. And we can do that because we know that the LORD is using even the most trying of circumstances for the particular good of conforming us to the image of His Son.

So, instead of pulling your hair out give thanks to God and seek to respond to whatever the LORD ordains with obedience and trust. "Walk by the Spirit [not your feelings] and you will not gratify the desires of the sinful nature" (Galatians 5:16).

And, here's a bonus. Not only will you be conformed more to the image of Christ as you are obedient in mothering, but also the LORD could use your obedience to help conform your children as well. Praise God!

(A little note about Where is God in All of This? Finding God's Purposes in Our Suffering: Most of us would probably never pick up this book because when we think of suffering we think of big things like someone dying or cancer. While the scriptural truths in this books certainly apply to those types of things, they also apply to really any difficult circumstances we may be facing--even just the stress of a fussy baby. I really think that any mother (really any Christian) would find this book to be an invaluable addition to your bookshelf or nightstand...not just to look pretty, but to actually be read. Maybe motherhood has not been as glamorous for you as it seemed in the ads of the fancy parenting magazines you read when you were pregnant.... Whatever the case, I encourage you to head over to Amazon and order a copy.)

Buy These Right Now

2011-05-24T13:42:00.003-04:00

Tomorrow I hope to begin a short series on gender roles. I have already written all the posts, but I am waiting for my hubby to bring home a book from his office so that I can properly cite some information in those posts.

...So, today I thought I would give you a few lists of excellent resources on various issues we ladies deal with. Some of these books I have mentioned before, and others I have not. None of these books are "methods" or "philosophies" to help you try something different in dealing with your issue. No, these books are firmly grounded in Scripture. They do nothing more than point you straight to the biblical way to deal with whatever issue it is they address. These books are based on the biblical truth that Scripture is, in fact, entirely sufficient for ALL of life and godliness. This list is not exhaustive, of course, but these are some amazing, biblically sound resources that I have read. I will periodically update these as I read more. They are arranged by topic, and some may be listed under multiple topics:

MARRIAGE
Womanly Dominion: More Than a Gentle & Quiet Spirit by Mark Chanski
Feminine Appeal: Seven Virtues of a Godly Wife and Mother by Carolyn Mahaney
The Excellent Wife: A Biblical Perspective by Martha Peace
Manly Dominion: In a Passive-Purple-Four-Ball World by Mark Chanski
Christian Living in the Home by Jay Adams
In-Laws: Married With Parents by Wayne Mack

PARENTING
The Faithful Parent: A Biblical Guide to Raising a Family by Stuart Scott & Martha Peace
Teach Them Diligently: How to Use the Scriptures in Child Training by Lou Priolo
Shepherding a Child's Heart by Tedd Tripp
Adopted for Life: The Priority of Adoption for Christian Families and Churches by Russell Moore
Big Truths for Young Hearts by Bruce Ware
Girl Talk: Mother-Daughter conversations on Biblical Womanhood by Carolyn Mahaney & Nicole Whitacre

FEAR, ANXIETY, WORRY, PANIC ATTACKS, ETC.
Overcoming Fear, Anxiety, and Worry: Becoming a Woman of Faith and Confidence by Elyse Fitzpatrick

SUFFERING, TRIALS, HARDSHIP, DIFFICULT CIRCUMSTANCES, ETC.
Where is God in All of This? Finding God's Purpose in Our Suffering by Deborah Howard & Wayne Mack

GENDER ROLES AND OTHER FEMININE TOPICS
Womanly Dominion by Mark Chanski
Manly Dominion by Mark Chanski
Men & Women, Equal Yet Different: A Brief Study of the Biblical Passages on Gender by Alexander Strauch
Feminine Appeal by Carolyn Mahaney
Girl Talk by Carolyn Mahaney & Nicole Whitacre
Shopping for Time: How to Do It All & Not Be Overwhelmed by Carolyn Mahaney

GENERAL SPIRITUALITY
Idols of the Heart: Learning to Long for God Alone by Elyse Fitzpatrick
Humility: True Greatness by CJ Mahaney
Spiritual Disciplines for the Christian Life by Donald Whitney

Lesson 2: God Talks!

2011-05-18T14:02:00.005-04:00

(First, a note for all the ladies who have been doing the Womanly Dominion book study: Sorry for the delay! All the notes for the discussions on all the chapters are uploaded HERE. We missed two weeks of class at church due to Easter and Mother's Day, so that put us behind. But we are all done now...now pass your book along to someone else who needs to read it!)

Okay, remember how I was supposed to be regularly posting practical ideas to go along with Bruce Ware's book Big Truths for Young Hearts?...I realize it has been more than two weeks :) I tend to get off on rabbit trails, even when blogging, which is why I am just now posting about the second section in Chapter 1. In the first section we learned that God Has Made Himself Known through creation. We can learn some general things about him by studying creation, which includes ourselves. This next section builds on that (remember this is like systematic theology for kids). Dr. Ware titled this section "God Talks." He is referring to how God has made Himself known to us in His word the Bible. We can learn everything that we are able to know about God from His word, and that's why He gave it to us: so we could know Him!

Here are a few ideas for teaching your kids about the Bible. These aren't as crafty as the first lesson, but I hope they help. Remember, my oldest is 2 1/2, so that is the general age group I am thinking of in doing this. Hopefully, even if your kids are older, this can give you some ideas!

(1) This one is simple. Every time you have a family devotion, read the Bible, talk about the Bible, read a Bible story book, etc. (which will hopefully be a lot) remind your child that the Bible is a book God wrote to us so that we could know about him. Depending on the age of your kids, you could explain that men wrote the Bible and God told them what to write...or if they are a little older maybe you could explain that the Holy Spirit told the men what to write.

(2) Since this is God's book to us about himself and it has everything we need for life and godliness (another point to begin teaching your kids now), we need to know it! Songs are a great way to get God's word stuck in the minds of children! There are lots of little songs that we all know with lyrics that are actually a verse or passage of Scripture. Usually, if I randomly sing a new song, Elijah can have it memorized just from listening to me by the end of the day.

"This is the Day the LORD Has Made"

Seeds Family Worship CDs--These are five different CDs for kids. The lyrics of each song come directly from a verse or passage of Scripture. AND when you order one, you actually get two so you can share one with a friend!

Maybe you learned a song to memorize the books of the Bible as a child. I know, it was probably a really annoying song, but now is the best time to teach it to your kids! You will be surprised what they can learn! If you don't remember it search on YouTube for a "books of the Bible song" and you will find several.

(2) My ABC Bible Verses: Hiding God's Word in Little Hearts by Susan Hunt
Check out this book by clicking the link above. You can even "Look Inside." This book gives a short memory verse, and a short story to help the child apply the Scripture to their own life.

(3)Another great way to teach children Scripture, and to help them understand and apply it is for you to use it when disciplining them and just in talking to them in general. Hopefully, you are already doing this; but if not, now is the best time to start!
For instance, if your child takes a toy from his sibling instead of just saying "Give that back right now" you could say "Sammy, remember that the Bible says we are supposed to love our neighbor as our self. That means that we treat other people the way we would like to be treated. Would you like it if your sister took a toy from you?...(No.)...Then you should not take a toy from her. You need to give it back, apologize, and do not do it again." After you've done this several times you should be able to just remind your child of Scripture and then ask him "Now what do you need to do?"
Or perhaps when you pray with your children before bed you could say "Remember that the Bible says that every good thing comes from God? The Bible also says that we are to give thanks. What is something that you would like to thank God for tonight?"
A great book on how to incorporate Scripture into your daily life and specifically into discipline is Teach Them Diligently: How to Use the Scriptures in Child Training by Lou Priolo.

(4) This one is sort of obvious. Get your kids an age appropriate Bible. It would be kind of weird for your parents to always be talking about this book but never to actually see one. Perhaps, even if you are reading a Bible story book to your kids, you could grab your Bible or theirs and open it to show them where this story is from. You could do the same thing when they watch a Veggie Tales, etc. You get the idea: Take every opportunity to actually get out the Book, whether it's yours or theirs.

If you have ideas, especially any crafty ones, please comment! I will try to not be so slow in posting the next one!

Still Surviving...

2011-05-10T13:13:00.003-04:00

First let me just say that the title of this post is meant to be sarcastic. This week my husband and I are celebrating our wedding anniversary! I want to tell you about some of the advice that we got before and right after that wonderful day, but first a picture...

Ain't we cute?

Anyway,here are some of the gems we got:

"If you survive your first year, then you'll make it!"

"There will come a day when you hate each other and seriously wonder why you married this person."

"Eventually, the puppy love will wear off and you will just basically be there to keep each other company."

"Having kids will put a strain on your marriage, so enjoy it while you can."

...and many more comments of the same nature.

Well, we're a few years into this now, so I'd like to respond: "Wrong, wrong, wrong, and ummm wrong. We objected to a few comments like these and insisted that this was not the biblical picture of marriage. But we were laughed at and told that we were "so sweet" to think like that.

All through the first year I kept waiting for the knock-down, drag-out fights. I kept waiting to wonder why I'd married James. I kept waiting for the emotional aspect to "wear off." When we had our first child and then a year later our second, I kept waiting for the "strain" on our marriage. I kept waiting and waiting and waiting...

...and do you know what?! It never happened. Our first year of marriage was awesome, and (not to be cliche) it just keeps getting better. I know why I married my husband and I am thankful to the LORD for him each day. The emotions are still there. And, guess what? The Bible is actually true (who would have thought?): Children are a blessing!

The Bible is true. That's exactly why none of that other foolishness came true. What do I mean? Well, from God's word we understand that those things which are most glorifying to God are most satisfying to us. When we faithfully seek to obey God's word in all of life, particularly His commands for marriage, then we will have a marriage that is satisfying to us and glorifying to God.

Marriage is God's idea instituted in the very first pages of His word (Genesis 2:22-24). In our marriage we reflect the image of the Triune God Himself, the original example of headship and submission--three Persons in One, equal yet having diverse functions or roles. We also reflect the relationship between Christ and His bride the Church, and in that we demonstrate the gospel to those who observe us. When we faithfully obey God's word, our marriages "adorn the doctrine of God our Savior" (Titus 2:10) and when we disobey the gospel is "reviled" (Titus 2:5). Maybe those pieces of advice do describe the typical marriage, even the typical Christian marriage. But it doesn't have to be that way. God's word is entirely sufficient to direct us on how to relate to one another as husband and wife, on how to communicate and resolve conflict, on how to deal with sin in our life and our spouse's, on how to view and raise children, on sex, and everything else. Everything we need to glorify God in our marriage and to be satisfied in our marriage is found in God's word (2 Tim 2:16-17; 2 Peter 1:3).

Now, let me tell you--by no means do we have a perfect marriage. No one ever will because we are all sinners. But Scripture tells us that by the Spirit we can progressively put off the acts of the flesh and put on acts of righteousness (Romans 8:13; Ephesians 4:20-24). And, by the grace of God in that He saved James and me, by the enabling of the Holy Spirit, and by the instruction of God's word that is exactly what James and I are seeking to do--to obey God's word in our marriage so that when we stand before the LORD and give an account we will not be guilty of reviling the gospel to the lost world.

So, please if you are wanting to give advice to a young engaged couple don't say anything like what we heard. Instead, encourage them that God's word has everything they need. Encourage them to faithfully obey God's design and commands in their marriage, and their marriage will honor the LORD, satisfy them, and rightly image our LORD and the gospel to the world.

Preparing for Parenthood

2011-04-28T14:31:00.002-04:00

I have several pregnant friends right now. Some have bump and a due date...some are skinny and anxiously awaiting a call to hop on a plane and go get their little (BIG) blessing overseas. A few days ago, a friend who will likely get the call sometime soon asked this question on her blog: "So, let me ask you parents out there: if you could re-live your pre-baby days, what would you do in your last few months???" Well, friend, perhaps you were asking for practical suggestions...you were probably not asking for a long, rambling blog response. Sorry :) I couldn't help it! Your question got me thinking, and crying (and I am not a crier--at all), and praying...so, anyway here's my answer in random order:

(1) Know God’s Word.

Work diligently to know the whole counsel of Scripture (2 Tim 2:15), to understand it with a correct hermeneutic (reading things in context of the whole passage, the whole book, and the whole of Scripture...understanding what things are cultural and what things are normative…relying on my seminary hubby’s knowledge of Greek and Hebrew…etc.), and to faithfully apply (James 1:22) it to your life replacing sinful patterns with acts of righteousness (Eph 4:22-24) to the glory of God and the adornment and advancement of the gospel.
This is a good thing to do in general, but this is why I encourage this for soon-to-be parents: So much of the parenting stuff you will read (even and often especially stuff that is labeled “Christian”) and so much of the advice you will get (even from faithful church people) will be contrary to Scripture. Everything EVERYTHING must be held up to the light of God’s word, which we can’t do if we don’t know it.

(2) Walk by the Spirit. God's Word is Sufficient.

By this, I do not mean just be led by whatever strange motherly instinct hits you. No, even our motherly instincts, as they are often referred to, are scarred by sin and easily led away by emotion and the deception of Satan. The Holy Spirit works in accordance with God’s word, not our "instincts." We can only walk in accordance with the Spirit to the extent that we know God’s word.
Having a baby, especially the first baby, is an overwhelming and emotional time. It is a time of great instability as almost every practical aspect of your life is changing all at once. During this time, it is very easy to be led by your emotions and feelings. But Scripture tells us to be controlled by the Spirit (Ephesians 5:18), not our emotions. Scripture tells us to be rooted and grounded in the unchanging truth of God’s word, so as not to be “tossed to and fro” by false doctrine, worldly wisdom, and the schemes of Satan (Eph 4:14). If we are not prepared with a sound knowledge of God’s sufficient word (2 Tim 3:16-17; 2 Peter 1:3), then there is a great likelihood that this is exactly what will happen—In our emotionally overwhelming circumstances, we will be led astray through Satan’s deceit to follow false teaching and worldly wisdom.

(3) Remember 1 Corinthians 10:13.

"No temptation has overtaken you that is not common to man. God is faithful, and he will not let you be tempted beyond your ability, but with the temptation he will also provide the way of escape, that you may be able to endure it" (1 Cor 10:!3 ESV). Parenthood will bring many challenges, trials, and difficulties. We can rejoice in this and give thanks in all these things (1 Thess 5:16-19) because scripture tells us that the LORD is using these things for the particular good of growing us in Christ-likeness (Romans 8:28-29). Remember that there is no situation or circumstance that you will face that you cannot handle in an obedient & God-honoring way by the enabling power of the Spirit(1 Cor 10:!3; Romans 8:13). Remember that there is no situation or circumstance that God’s word is not sufficient to guide you through (2 Tim 3:16-17; 2 Peter 1:3).

(4) Children are a blessing.

Always remember that children are a blessing from the LORD (Psalm 127:3). It is a joyful and fearful privilege to be responsible for an eternal soul—to be given the task of bringing them up in the discipline and instruction of the LORD (Eph 6:4) with the hope that you will be found faithful and that the LORD will use your faithfulness in parenting to make your child wise unto salvation (2 Tim 3:!5).

(5) Prioritize your spouse.

What you prioritize is not necessarily determined by what you devote the most time to. Kids are a good example of this. Let me point out, though, that this statement is not license to devote no time to your spouse. Practically, most of your time as a mom will likely be spent caring for your new baby. Practically, as a dad, most of your time will be spent fulfilling your biblical role and providing for your now larger family. Even though your spouse may not get the same amount of time as your child or your job, they can and should still be your priority. An intentional effort to insure that you are both being faithful to your respective commands in Scripture for marriage will be necessary. Husbands, are you loving, serving, leading your wife? Are you satisfying her intimate desires? As you washing her in God's word? Wives, are you helping, loving, and respecting your husband? Are you satisfying his intimate needs?

(6) Pray...a lot.

This is another one of those things that requires us to remember that we are commanded to be led by the Spirit, not our emotions, feelings, circumstances, or anything else. Pray when you feel like it. Pray when you don't feel like it. Then pray some more (1 Thess 5:17).

"The end of the matter; all has been heard. Fear God and keep his commandments, for this is the whole duty of man." -Ecclesiastes 12:13 ESV

Physically Satisfy Him

2011-04-27T07:36:00.001-04:00

I know some of you are squirming in your seats right now just reading the title of this post.

The topic of sex and intimacy, even in the context of marriage has been largely, if not entirely, avoided in churches for decades now. One big factor in this is the sexual revolution of the sixties. The church's response to this movement was to go to the opposite extreme. The "s" word was not appropriate to speak of--ever...

Sadly, this extreme is not biblical either. We are to teach, preach, and obey the whole counsel of God's word...and God's word has a lot to say about sex and intimacy within marriage. We can't expect to have God honoring marriages while entirely ignoring Scripture's teaching on a pretty important part of the marriage relationship.

Let's start with a question: What is the primary goal of sex and intimacy within marriage(I am not talking about procreation.)? The primary biblical goal is giving, or, more specifically, providing sexual satisfaction for(meeting the needs of)your spouse. This is contrary in every way to the world's mindset. For the world, sex is all about personal satisfaction--all about me.

1 Corinthians 7:3 says, "The husband should give to his wife her conjugal rights, and likewise the wife to her husband." This command is given to both husband and wife. The singular goal of each of them is giving to satisfy their spouse, not getting to satisfy self.

We also see this point in looking at biblical, Christ-like love. Read the following verses, noting the highlighted words:

"For God so loved the world that He gave [...]." -John 3:16
"Husbands love your wives just as Christ loved the church and gave himself up for her." -Ephesians 5:25

Do you see the pattern? Love is demonstrated in giving.

That point is easy enough. But then many women would bring up the concern that men's desire seems to be much greater in this area than women's. Well, let me draw a chart to illustrate what happens when our focus is on obeying Scripture and giving to please our spouse instead of getting to please our self. This is from one of James' professors at SBTS, Dr. Robert Burelli:

It is the husband's job to satisfy his wife (1 Corinthians 7:3).

It is the wife's job to satisfy her husband. So each spouse is to satisfy the other.

But many women would ask "How am I supposed to satisfy him when his desire is so much greater than mine?"

When the husband's focus is on pleasing his wife rather than himself (Often for wives this includes sex AND things like cuddling.), his desire decreases some.

Likewise, when the wife's focus is on pleasing her husband rather than herself, her desire increases some. This allows for both spouses to be satisfied.

Now, for us ladies, a point must be made. Biblically, sex within marriage is to be enjoyed, not merely endured. A quick reading of Song of Solomon illustrates that well. We don't need to be guilty of merely enduring sex just so that we don't feel guilty of depriving our husbands. This is not satisfying to our spouse. "But the desire just isn't there! How am I supposed to enthusiastically enjoy it?" I think Chanski's quote under the section about Loving our Husbands (Chanski, 164) applies well here. Allow me to re-phrase it. Feelings of desire are not primarily the root of a biblical & satisfying sex life, but rather the fruit.

So, what's the danger of disobeying Scriptures commands (1 Cor 7) to satisfy our spouse physically? The danger is that Satan may tempt one or both of us (1 Cor 7:5). When we selfishly do not seek to satisfy our husband physically, we are giving Satan a wide open door to tempt him. We are making provision for his flesh.

May we remember the LORD's words to Cain: "[...]sin is crouching at the door. Its desire is for you, but you must rule over it" (Genesis 4:7 ESV).
(1) We must not allow ourselves to be ruled by sinful self-centeredness--being only concerned with own own desire or lack thereof, with how tired we are, etc.
(2) We must recognize Satan's schemes: Ladies, have you ever thought about why your desire was so high before marriage and seems to have vanished after marriage? Satan always tempts us to disobey God. Before you were married it was sin to satisfy that desire. Once you are married, it's disobedient to choose not to satisfy your desire or your husband's.
(3) "[...] walk by the Spirit and you will not gratify the desires of the flesh" (Galatians 5:16): Don't be led by your emotions, feelings, etc. Rather, walk in obedience to God's word. Remember the root and the fruit?
(4) Don't allow Satan to deceive you. Don't think you or your husband are beyond being tempted. "The heart is deceitful above all things, and desperately sick; who can understand it" (Jeremiah 17:9)? Don't make provision for your flesh or your husband's.

SOURCES: Most of the info in this post came from a Sunday School lesson we did in our Young Married class a couple of months ago as part of our series on a Biblical Marriage. Most of those lessons are available for you to download and print HERE for free.

Chanski, Mark. Womanly Dominion: More Than a Gentle and Quiet Spirit. Calvary, 2008. Print.

Stay Attractive for Him

2011-04-26T07:28:00.003-04:00

(This is post six from the Marital Life chapter of Mark Chanski's book Womanly Dominion...which you should buy right now :) We are doing a class going through this book at church. Much of this and the previous posts are from our class discussions. I have cited things directly from the book.)

What in the world does that mean?! Am I supposed to weigh and look the same as I did in high school forever? Am I supposed to only shop at The GAP? Well, I'll go ahead and tell you the answers to those questions are no and no. But let's look at what this does mean.

Chanski has a wonderful quote that I think gives us a good foundation to build our discussion on. He writes, "Though matured by age and the bearing of multiple children [she] keeps a conscientious eye to her own physical appearance [...] she maintains herself through the exercise of prudent self-discipline and stylish discretion" (Chanski, 173).

Some might respond by saying that the bible says our adorning is to be internal--we are to adorn our hearts with obedience to God. This is true, for sure. But the Scriptural admonition to adorn the internal does not in any way nullify the external (Chanski, 173). It is not an either/or type of thing. Rather, a proper internal adornment of the fear of the LORD will be reflected in a proper outward adornment. Our outward adornment will demonstrate modesty and self-control, it will demonstrate proper stewardship of the physical body we have been given to serve the LORD in on this earth, and (for married women) it will demonstrate a desire to be pleasing and satisfying to our husband.

Some women would call this chauvinistic, shallow, and selfish. They would insist that their husband is to love them with a Christ-like love, which means he should love her at her worst. It is true that husbands are commanded to love their wives like Christ. However, we are to love our husbands in a Christ-like way as well. Is it really Christ-like to make our husbands have to love us at our worst? Wouldn't it rather be Christ-like to desire to give our best, especially to our husband? We want our husband to desire us and our husband wants the same thing. The way we do or don't take care of ourselves, either communicates that love and desire or it doesn't.

Here's my favorite quote on this topic from Chanski (he's quoting another woman): "Women expect to be wooed yet to be allowed to look haggish and frumpy. It's hard to romance a hag and come off as being sincere" (Chanski, 174).

Let me end with a little personal story. After our son was born and the decision was made that I would stay home, I got a genius idea! If I just stayed in my pajamas all day, then that would mean less laundry! "The only person I'm going to see is James," I thought. Then I had another stroke of genius. At the time I was using expensive department store makeup (not any more!). "I could save makeup if I only wore it on days that I have somewhere to go. I am only going to see James most of the time." Ladies, do you see my backward thinking here? My husband should be the primary person that I desire to please, not the last! This does not mean that I need to sleep in my makeup so he never sees me without it. No, it just means that my effort in keeping up with myself communicates my love and desire for him. So maybe sometime before he gets home at 5:00, I could put a little makeup on and put on normal clothes. Maybe I could, umm, shower more often :)

Regardless of whether we are married or not, we must remember again that everything we do is reflecting on Christ and the gospel. That doesn't mean you have to get all fixed up to go to Wal-mart, but a general effort to look kempt would be nice.

Additionally for those of us who are married, it should be our desire, like the Proverbs 31 woman, to make our husband "respected at the gates" with our appearance and conduct. This means that our appearance and conduct should make people think well of our husbands. For example, my husband is a minister, and it never fails...if I wear sweats and no makeup and a shirt with an olive oil stain on it to the grocery store, I WILL run in to a deacon or someone from church. It would make my husband more respected and reflect better on Christ if I at least looked a little pulled together...not like I just crawled out from under a rock.

Tomorrow, we'll wrap this series up!

Chanski, Mark. Womanly Dominion: More Than a Gentle and Quiet Spirit. Calvary, 2008. Print.

Create an Orderly Home for Him

2011-04-25T06:53:00.002-04:00

(This is post five on the Marital Life chapter of Mark Chanski's Womanly Dominion.)

Let me start by reminding everyone that these are practical and biblical measures to take in order to have a godly marriage. We have three more of these, and then I am planning to spend a little time looking at the fundamentals of our biblical role as a woman and the whole purpose behind God's design for gender roles within life, marriage, and the church...in hindsight, perhaps we should have talked about that first...oh, well! Stick with me--we'll get to it! For today let's trudge ahead in Mark Chanski's marital admonitions from his A-M-A-Z-I-N-G book Womanly Dominion (buy it!).

Before we talk about creating an orderly home, I want to make the point that orderly does not mean spotless. Chanski discusses this in previous chapters. However, the point is also made that saying it does not have to be spotless is no license for sinful slovenliness.

So, why is it important to create and orderly home for our husband (or just in general)? Let me suggest four reasons:

(1) An orderly home rightly reflects the image of our God, who is a God of order and purpose not of chaos and slovenliness. Remember, that (whether we like it or not) everything we do as a believers either adorns or reviles the gospel to those who observe us...that includes our housekeeping.

(2) An orderly home rightly demonstrates an obedient, disciplined effort in our biblical responsibility as women to manage our home (more on our biblical role as women in the near future...).

(3) It creates a pleasing, welcoming, hospitable atmosphere for our families and guests--an atmosphere where we can be most helpful to our husbands and children and where we can best use our home in hospitable ways for ministry and evangelism.

(4) Chanski writes, "When she makes her nest an orderly oasis instead of chaotic shambles, her man relishes the thought of coming home to her."

Sometimes, there will be messes. Sometimes you will need to light a candle ten minutes before your hubby gets home to remove the poopy diaper smell from the whole house. But is our home characterized by order or by upheaval? Does our husband relish the thought of coming home or will coming home only add stress to his day? Would the state of our home rightly reflect God to the lost neighbors we might invite over for dinner?

More tomorrow...

Chanski, Mark. Womanly Dominion: More Than a Gentle and Quiet Spirit. Calvary, 2008. Print.

Respect Your Husband

2011-04-22T13:19:00.003-04:00

(This is the fourth post from the Marital Life chapter in Mark Chanski's Womanly Dominion.)

Sorry for the brief break in action. We've all been sick at our house this week. So, let's not waste time...
We've talked about Keeping our Vow to our Husband, Loving our Husband, and Being Grateful for our Husband. Let's move on to respecting our husband.

"[...] let the wife see that she respects her husband." -Ephesians 5:33

First let's think about some of the common disrespectful & sinful tendencies wives may struggle with toward their husbands--sarcastic putdowns, treating our husbands like they can't do anything right, contentiousness, harsh words, treating our husbands like boys as if we are their mother, etc. (Chanski, 168-170). Now let's remember the put off/put on principle in Ephesians 4:

"to put off your old self, which belongs to your former manner of life and is corrupt through deceitful desires, and to be renewed in the spirit of your minds, and to put on the new self, created after the likeness of God in true righteousness and holiness." -Eph 4:22-24 ESV

So, with what righteous acts might we replace the above mentioned acts of the flesh? Sarcastic putdowns could be replaced with genuinely helpful suggestions. Treating our husbands like they can't do anything right should be replaced with esteeming them and treating them like competent human beings. Contentiousness should be replaced with kindness and respect. Harsh words should be replaced with gentle speech. Acting like our husbands hen-pecking mother should be replaced with acting like his adoring bride (Chanski, 170).

But the command to respect our husband comes with a big "What if..." for many women. "What if my husband's behavior does not deserve my respect?" Well, first let's point out that husbands are commanded to love us, and quite often our behavior doesn't deserve his love...which brings us to a second point to remember: Our obedience to Scripture is never contingent on the obedience of those around us. In other words, our responsibility to obediently respect our husband is not contingent on his worthiness of respect, but rather on God's worthiness of our obedience. But here's the key to answering this "what if." Scripturally we are not commanded to respect all of our husband's behavior. Even the best husband is a sinner. We are called rather to respect his position as our husband. In the same sense that we might think a boss in the workplace is a jerk personally, yet we still respect his position as boss and faithfully complete our tasks and treat him respectfully because of his position. (I am sure there is a better analogy than that, but for the life of me I can't think of one...you get the point.)

So, let's not be the proverbial wife whose husband would rather live on the corner of the roof than with her (Proverbs 21:9 & 25:24). Let's demonstrate love for God by obeying his commands (John 14:!5) and respect our husband (Ephesians 5:33). No more "hen-pecking" (Chanski, 170)!

Chanski, Mark. Womanly Dominion: More Than a Gentle and Quiet Spirit. Calvary, 2008. Print.

Be Grateful for Your Husband

2011-04-15T07:05:00.005-04:00

(This is the third post on the Marital Life chapter of Womanly Dominion. Buy the book!)

Chanski quotes a woman attending a ladies Bible study on page 165: "[...]the group was a gripe session for women to vent about their husbands' idiosyncrasies, bad attitudes, and failures in general and specific. I was becoming trained to complain and whine about real or imagined behavior and look for sympathy from other women" (Chanski, 165).

I will venture to say that most of us can relate to that experience in some way. Women do have a reputation of being husband-bashers when we get together. Even Christian ladies often vent about our husbands to others under the guise of requesting prayer, etc. But let's just call it what it is--SIN. Whether we are talking to our friend or our momma...whether we just need to vent or ask for prayer...whether it's true or not, it is contrary to the commands of Scripture, and that's called sin.

So how should we speak of our husbands to others? Well, this truth actually applies to how we speak about anyone, but for our purposes today we will apply it specifically to our husbands. As with all people, our biblical responsibility is to speak only that which is "good for building up [others] as fits the occasion, that it may give grace to those who hear" (Ephesians 4:29 ESV). Regardless of who we are speaking to, we should never say anything about our spouse that casts him in a bad light to those who hear. That doesn't mean we should lie. What our mommas told us is true: If you don't have anything nice to say, don't say anything at all.

So if we're not allowed to vent, then are we just supposed to hold it all in and build up sinful bitterness and resentment toward our husband? No. Scripture gives clear instruction on how to deal with issues between spouses (all while keeping it just between us and our husband). The issues we have with our husbands are either going to be preference issues (how to squeeze the toothpaste, etc.) or sin issues.

When dealing with preference issues there are two ways to handle it. Either we need to realize that it is not a huge deal, get the focus off pleasing our self (remember love "does not insist on its own way" 1 Cor 13:5), let love cover it (1 Peter 4:8), and "outdo one another [our husband] in showing honor" (Romans 12:10)...OR...If it is a preference issue that we just cannot get over, then we need to talk to our husband about it in a humble and loving way. Oftentimes, they have no clue that something they are doing is bothering us. My husband has told me many times that guys don't take hints--if something is bothering me I need to tell him otherwise he will be entirely oblivious to it.

But sometimes it is not an issue of preference. Sometimes it's a sin issue. Thankfully, Scripture gives us clear commands on how to deal with sin in the life of our believing spouse (or any believer). And it is a matter of obedience on our part to deal with our husband's sin according to those commands for the health of our marriage and the glory of God. For instruction on dealing with sin issues reference Matthew 18:15-17, Matthew 5:23-24, Matthew 7:3-5, Galatians 6:1. Basically, these Scriptures tell us this: (1) Remove any "logs" from your own eye before you attempt to confront your spouse on sin, (2) Go to your husband privately in a spirit of humility and gentleness, (3) Confront the sin on the basis of Scripture. If after a time, your husband remains unrepentant, Matthew 18 outlines the next steps in the biblical process of dealing with sin in the life of a professing believer.

This could get us off on some long rabbit trails, but let's get back to the point: Scripture gives instruction on dealing with marital issues between husband and wife. It is not necessary, and it is, in fact, sinful of us to be speaking badly about our husbands to others instead of following biblical guidelines to deal with the issue.

So, let's wrap this up. We need to be grateful for our husbands by (1) not speaking badly of them to others and by (2) verbally thanking them. That's a new idea, isn't it? Actually say thank you! "Thanks, honey, for taking the trash out...thanks for working all day to provide for our family...etc." Often we may be guilty of becoming bitter because our husbands don't thank us enough for all we do as wives and mothers. but when we actually stop and think about it we have probably not thanked them either...we likely have a "log in our eye," yet we focus on their "speck."

Let's be grateful for our husbands!

Love Your Husband

2011-04-14T13:14:00.003-04:00

(This is the second post about the Marital Life chapter in Mark Chanski's Womanly Dominion.)

What is love? Well, according to the world, it is an emotion, feelings, butterflies, and entirely subjective.

But what does the Bible say? Here are some of the words Chanski uses to describe love as we see it laid out in Scripture: a decision, action, objective, a resolution (Chanski, 163). He writes, "Love is chiefly a decision, not an emotion" (Chanski, 163). This is the essence of Christ-like, biblical love--it is not contingent upon the lovability of the object. We don't love our husbands merely because they conjure up loving feelings in us--sometimes they don't...we choose to actively, intentionally love them because we love our God and desire to obey Him. "We love because He first loved us" (1 John 4:19 ESV).

"But how am I supposed to choose to love him if I don't feel it?" I'm glad you asked. Chanski points out that this notion that "warm emotions must precede loving actions" (Chanski, 163) is not biblical. Luke 6:27 says, "Love your enemies, do good to those who hate you." "If we had to wait until we had warm feelings toward our enemies before we loved them, they'd die of thirst or hunger in the waiting" (Chanski, 163).

"But what about feelings? Are they just pointless?!" Well, I'm glad you asked that, too. This is my favorite quote of the whole chapter, I think:

"It's important to understand that the sweet feelings of affection are not the root of a healthy relationship, but the fruit of one" (Chanski, 164). Then he goes on to quote Jay Adams' Solving Marriage Problems: "So while feelings of love are not essential for establishing a marriage contract, they are an inevitable result of properly pursuing its terms" (Chanski, 164).

Isn't that great?! The root of obedience to God's commands and design for marriage seen in Scripture produces the fruit of those sweet feelings of affection. If you have not grabbed a copy of Womanly Dominion yet, let me encourage you!

Chanski, Mark. Womanly Dominion: More Than a Gentle and Quiet Spirit. Calvary, 2008. Print.

Keep Your Vow to Your Husband

2011-04-11T13:32:00.006-04:00

As most of you are aware, a group of ladies at my church are studying through Mark Chanski's book Womanly Dominion. This week we are covering the chapter on marital life in which Chanski gives us seven practical and Scriptural measures that we can take to "build a marriage that's both God-glorifying and personally satisfying" (Chanski, 158). The entire book is AWESOME but this chapter, I feel like, is a little gem--overflowing with biblical truth that has the potential to transform a marriage for a lifetime. Remember, that which is most God-glorifying is that which is most personally satisfying...and who of us does not want both? So, this is going to be the first of seven posts, each one summarizing one of Chanski's admonitions. First up: Keep Your Vow to You Husband...

Chanski begins this section asking (and answering) the questions "What is a biblical foundation for marriage?" and "What is not?" Let's answer the latter question first (this summary is from pages 158-160). Affections, romance, feelings, chemistry, so-called butterflies, etc. are NOT biblical foundations for marriage. What is the foundation? The marriage covenant or vow to God and our husband is the biblical foundation for marriage (Malachi 2:14, Genesis 2:23). But what motivates us to keep this vow? The fear of the LORD. Chanski likens breaking covenant with God to sticking your head in the mouth of a lion...not a good idea. Exodus 20:7 says "You shall not take the name of the LORD your God [make a covenant or vow with God] in vain, for the LORD will not leave him unpunished who takes His name in vain" (additional references Ecclesiastes 5:4; Malachi 2:14; Numbers 30:2)
So, let's sum it up: The fear of the LORD demonstrated in faithful commitment to our covenantal vow to God and our husband is our firm and scriptural foundation. Chanski writes, “We must build the home of our marriages and families on the rock of a solemn covenantal vow before God, and not on the shifting sands of our unstable feelings, emotions, and circumstances” (p 161).

Chanski, Mark. Womanly Dominion: More Than a Gentle and Quiet Spirit. Calvary, 2008. Print.

Womanly Dominion: Chapter 9

2011-04-04T14:05:00.003-04:00

Hey, ladies! The notes (without answers) for Chapter 9 are uploaded HERE. You can also find all the previous documents by clicking on the link above. I will upload the notes with answers filled in on Thursday.
I can't believe we are nearing the end of our study! We will be covering Womanly Dominion in marital life, the church, and the public square, as well as facing your fears, and a few other random topics like modesty and birth control. Stick with it! Read chapter 10 for next week!

Celebrating Jesus at Easter (Re-Post + Something New!)

2011-04-02T21:51:00.002-04:00

(This is a re-post but I've added an additional resource that I came across this week to help in telling your kids what happened at Easter: The Story of Easter by Gwen Ellis...scroll down for more info and a picture! You can also "Look Inside!" on Amazon.com)

Let's face it, for the majority of the American Christian population, the only thing religious about Easter is that we go to church and, perhaps, get a chocolate cross alongside our chocolate bunny. Usually our Easter "celebration" consists of only one day (Easter Sunday)--maybe two if our church does something special for Palm Sunday.
There are two things that I want to point out here: First, we celebrate Christmas for a whole month (really Hobby Lobby starts putting out Christmas stuff in September) yet somehow Easter, which is quite worthy of a celebration, barely even gets a day when you subtract all the rabbits and chocolate. That brings me to my second point, which is that, indeed, as Christians we have something infinitely glorious to celebrate--

"[...] we have turned--every one--to his own way; and the LORD has laid on him the iniquity of us all." -Isaiah 53:6 ESV
"[...] he made him [Jesus] to be sin who knew no sin, so that in him we might become the righteousness of God." -2 Corinthians 5:21

PRAISE GOD! We are guilty before the One, True, Holy God and we deserve eternal hell, BUT because of Christ leaving heaven and coming to earth in the form of a baby (that's Christmas), living a sinless life, and taking the punishment for our disobedience to God (that's Easter) we can be reconciled to God if we repent and believe (Mark 1:15; John 14:15)! There is NOTHING more worthy of a celebration.

Sooooo, here is what we will be doing to attempt to more rightly celebrate and to take advantage of a prime opportunity to teach our kids. I must tell you, I copied this idea with only a few modifications from my dear friend Stephanie. Your can check out her post HERE. Here's what we are doing:

What in the world is that? Well, it's a Resurrection Tree. The concept is similar to the Advent calendar we used to celebrate Jesus' birth. Under the tree are 12 little boxes.

Why 12? Well, (1) I wanted Easter to be as big of a deal as our Christmas celebration, (2) that is how many little boxes they had at Hobby Lobby. How's that for a super religious answer? I decorated the lids with scrapbook paper and Elijah colored the bottoms with crayons. Anyway, each day, the kids will open a box (they are numbered so we can work on Elijah recognizing numbers and counting, too!). Inside there will be a treat for each of them and a little ornament to hang on the tree (Stephanie's ornaments are beautiful appliqued fabric ones...mine are card stock).

On one side of the ornament is a Scripture reference to read and explain to the kids. On the other side is a little clip art picture corresponding to the Scripture passage. So each day, we can look back at the pictures and remember what we have learned so far. This took me all of two nap-times to make AND all the Easter stuff is 40% off right now at Hobby Lobby!

I will also be ordering one or two of the Easter story Arch books--probably this one and this one. I mentioned a while back that we use these Arch books every night before bed. Well, we still are, and we still love them.

Since originally posting this, I have found another book that I am going to try: The Story of Easter. Here's why I like it...
(1) It begins with Jesus telling his disciples to go into town and get the donkey on which he would enter Jerusalem on Palm Sunday and tells the Easter story all the way through to the Ascension.
(2) It is divided into short (great for little ones!) two-page increments (every two-pages is a different part of the story: "Jesus Borrows a Donkey," "The First Lord's Supper," "Jesus is Arrested," etc.) so you could do two pages a night.
(3) The language is simple* and it is told according to Scripture. Now, here's why I have a little asterisk by "simple"...depending on the age of your kids, you may need to do a little explaining as you read, but nothing major. For instance, the book mentions that they were celebrating Passover. So you will need to take 10 seconds and let your child know that Passover was a holiday when Jesus lived when they celebrated what God had done for them (Of course, if your kids are older, you can go into more detail about exactly what they were celebrating.).
(4) It is $7.99, and I got it for $5.99 on sale...kids books usually cost an arm and both legs, so this made me happy :)

Here are the Scriptures and corresponding images for our ornaments. We are going to go in reverse order so we can count down the days to Easter:

Box 12-Matthew 21:1-11 & Zechariah 9:9/palm branch
Box 11-Mark 14:3-9/perfume bottle
Box 10-Matthew 26:17-29/loaf of bread
Box 9-Matthew 26:14-15/coin
Box 8-Matthew 27:27-31/crown of thorns
Box 7-John 19:17/cross
Box 6-Luke 23:32-34/nail
Box 5-John 19:23-24 & Psalm 22:18/dice
Box 4-Isaiah 53:6 & 2 Corinthians 5:21/sheep
Box 3-John 19:40/spices
Box 2-Matthew 27:62-66/rock
Box 1-Matthew 28:1-9/empty!

Lesson 1: God Has Made Himself Known

2011-03-30T11:57:00.010-04:00

(This is one of the "lessons" that go along with Bruce Ware's Big Truths for Young Hearts. These are just a handful of practical ideas and resources that will hopefully be helpful in teaching these essential biblical truths to our kids in an understandable way right from the start! You can "Look Inside!" the book HERE on Amazon.com)

Chapter 1 of Ware's book is God's Word and God's Own Life as God. There are six sections within this first chapter. The following ideas and resources go along with the first section "God Has Made Himself Known" of Chapter 1, which talks about God general revelation to us (creation).

BOOKS

(1) The Story of Creation

This is one of the Arch Bible story books I have mentioned before. We love these because they are short, true to Scripture (from what we've read so far), and they rhyme which helps the kids learn the Scripture. We use these every night with our 28-month-old and 15-month-old.

(2) Any of the books like THIS ONE published by Priddy Books.

They always have these at Wal-mart. They have a bunch of different animal ones. This lesson would be a great opportunity to learn some animal names and sounds while reminding our kids who made the animals and which days God made them.

ACTIVITIES & OTHER FUN STUFF

(1) Coloring pages- HERE is one and ANOTHER. You can find tons more by searching "coloring page" and "creation" or the name of an animal.

(2) ANIMAL CRAYONS

These are just another fun way to work creation into your normal conversation with your kids. You could also make your own with a candy mold and some regular crayons melted down.

(3) Creation Snack Mix-
Day 1 -- God created the light and dark (mini Oreo cookies).
Day 2 -- God separated the water on the top from the water on the bottom. The top was sky, and the bottom was ground (Frosted Mini-Wheats cereal for the clouds and the ground).
Day 3 -- God made the green grass, the trees, and the flowers (green M&M's candies, stick pretzels, and red M&M's candies). God also made the fruit and the berries (raisins and blue M&M's candies).
Day 4 -- God created the sun and the moon and the stars (orange M&M's candies and yellow M&M's candies).
Day 5 -- God made the birds and the fish (Goldfish crackers).
Day 6 -- God made man and woman and all the animals that walk on the ground (animal cookies).
Day 7 -- God rested on the seventh day (marshmallow "pillows"). God blessed the seventh day and made it holy.

(4) This would be a great time to make a family trip to the zoo if you live near one!

SCRIPTURE MEMORY VERSE

"The heavens declare the glory of God, and the sky above proclaims his handiwork." -Psalm 19:1 ESV
You can always paraphrase for little ones, but don't underestimate even a toddler's ability to learn the verse as it is--you will be surprised (with lots of repetition from you) what they can memorize!

PLEASE comment if you have any other resource suggestions!

Grave Encouragement for Ministers' Wives from Proverbs 12:4

2011-03-29T13:12:00.004-04:00

"An excellent wife is the crown of her husband,
but she who brings shame is like rottenness in his bones." -Proverbs 12:4

What a grave reminder to us wives of the solemn responsibility we have before God. Not only does our obedience as wives affect our fellowship with God, but our obedience (or disobedience) directly affects our husbands with whom we are one. This verse is an even more serious reminder for those of us who are wives of ministers, as our conduct has an effect on those within the local church where our husband serves and others who may observe us.

I know a lot of you are or will soon be minister's wives, and it is of eternal importance that we approach the great responsibility we have as such with utter humility and submissiveness to God's word. Thanks to our sinful flesh and the deceitfulness of Satan, this can be a great struggle at times. It is often tempting for us to look upon our responsibility as a minister's wife with disdain and contempt.

We are often tempted to feel that we are held to an unfair standard as ministers' wives. The fact is, though, that it is not an unfair standard--it's actually a biblical standard. It is, in fact, scriptural for much to be expected of us. In 1 Timothy 3, Paul (inspired by the Holy Spirit!) writes about the qualifications for overseers (ministers) and deacons AND their families. Paul speaks in this chapter and again in Titus 1 of ministers being above reproach and managing their household (which includes their wife and children) well. To the wives specifically he writes:

"Their wives likewise must be dignified, not slanderers, but sober-minded, faithful in all things." -1 Timothy 3:11 ESV

One reason why these family qualifications are included in the qualifications for ministers is this: Ministers and their families are to strive to be everything that God desires them to be because they will be examples to other families in the church. How we act as minister's wives will be observed by other women in the church, therefore we must be above reproach. Ministers' wives must not just verbalize the Word of God--we must live it. Indeed, Scripture tells us that our obedience adorns the doctrine of God our Savior and our disobedience reviles the gospel (Titus 2:5 & 10). Our disobedience makes a mockery of the cross before a lost world and before the local church our husband serves. Moreover, why would we not desire to be obedient? Jesus says in John 14:15 that if we love Him we will obey his commands. It is not loving God with all of our hearts, souls, and minds to have a licentious attitude and try to excuse ourselves from our responsibility saying "I am covered by grace." On the contrary, we are to have this mind in us which is ours in Christ Jesus who humbled himself by becoming obedient, even to the point of death (Philippians 2:5-8)

"Well, this isn't what I signed up for," we might say.

We read in James 3:1 that "not many of you should become teachers, my brothers, for you know that we who teach will be judged with greater strictness." If we did not want to be held to the biblical qualifications for ministers and their families, then we should not have married one. And if we weren't aware of the biblical qualifications, then we should be careful not to blame God for our own ignorance of Scripture. Rather, we should "no longer live for [our]selves but for him who for [our] sake died and was raised" (2 cor 5:15). We should desire to not make a mockery of the gospel, but rather to "adorn the doctrine of God our Savior" (Titus 2:10) to our observers and "to stir one another up to love and good works" (Hebrews 10:24) by our obedient example. We're not winning anyone to Christ or encouraging obedience in our fellow believers by walking around with a disdain for our biblical responsibility and a licentious attitude.

Often we are tempted to focus on the "specks" in everyone else's eyes and we fail to see the "log" in our own eye (Matthew 7:3-5). We feel that the fact that other people are disobedient should somehow excuse us from our biblical obligations. We should not have to be above reproach if no one else is. This, however, is clearly not biblical. The commands for our obedience are not contingent upon the obedience of those around us--Christ is the perfect example of that.

So, we must not give in to the temptation to allow a disdain for our responsibility as ministers' wives to grow in our hearts. By the Spirit we (Romans 8:13) must put off our self-centeredness and put on Christ-centeredness. We must repent of our prideful desire to rule ourselves and submit ourselves to God by obeying his word. We must take seriously the responsibility to set an example of obedience for those who observe us. We must desire to make our husband "respected at the gates" (Prov 31:23) with our conduct rather than our shameful disobedience being "like rottenness to his bones" (Proverbs 12:4). And over all, we must desire to "adorn the doctrine of God our Savior" (Titus 2:10) with our conduct.

Kids Consignment Sales

2011-03-26T18:20:00.000-04:00

I get asked a lot about kids consignment sales because people will say something like "Oh, I love Adin's dress," and I will say "I paid $2.00 for it!" This, understandably, piques the interest of most mommies. Just this past week I shopped at one of the local bi-annual sales. I got ALL of Elijah and Adin's warm-weather clothes, shoes, hats, belts, books, etc. for for about $100. Now, that is the most I have ever spent. The last three times I have shopped I only spent about $70. This time, I went slightly crazy buying Adin shoes and dresses....with more self-control I probably could have spent $20 less.

Anyway, let me explain these sales for those who are unfamiliar and curious. First, I am not talking about consignment stores. I am talking about twice-yearly sales that usually last a week or two. I have found that most larger cities have them, although not all of these sales are as good as others. Some are not as well-organized or publicized and don't have as much or as nice of items to sell. We have two BIG sales near us. I buy and sell at one about half an hour away.

Another important thing to note is that you get to pick from the best stuff and you have the potential to profit or at least break even if you sell at the sale. The consignors (people who sell stuff) typically get to shop a day or two before the sale opens to the public (the preview sale)--so you get the first pick of everything!

I usually sell stuff that I don't really like or that the kids never wore. Most sales have a minimum number of items you must sell in order to shop at the preview sale. The one I where I sell requires 15 items. I did not have as much to sell this time, but I wanted to shop first, so I just dug through and picked out my 15 least favorite items in the kids' closets.

Here's how it works: About a month before the sale you have to price and drop off the items you are selling. Then, a couple of days before the sale you go line up with all the other crazy moms and shop at the preview sale. Let me warn you--the first time can be a bit overwhelming. I usually spend about 2 hours shopping, and I have a few tips to help make the most of my time and money:
(1) I always have a list to remind me of what I NEED to buy. Otherwise I will, indeed, be overwhelmed by the sheer amount of stuff to look at. For instance, this year I had a column for both kids. Under Adin I wrote "swimsuit, sun hat, hair bows, shoes, dresses, a couple pair of shorts." For Elijah I wrote " swimsuit, sun hat, belt, dress shoes, shorts, Sunday pants, shirts, clip-on ties."
(2) My rule of thumb is that I don't buy any item over $5.00. It has to be something REALLY awesome for me to pay that much.
(3) As I am looking through clothes I throw everything in my wagon that I think I like and is under $5.00. I don't stress trying to add up how much I have as I go. Once I am done, they have areas where you can sort through your stuff and decide what you actually want to buy.
(4) Finally, bring something with wheels to put all your stuff in. Trust me--you will regret it if you don't. AND if you have a truck or van, drive that--especially if you are going to be buying big stuff like exersaucers, strollers, pack-n-plays, etc.

I usually come home with a wagon-full (literally a wagon...I use the kids wagon as a shopping cart) of expensive boutique brand shoes, adorable clothes (sometimes even with tags still on them!), and all the little accessories kids need (belts, hats, hair bows). Two years in a row I have found Columbia fleece jackets for Elijah and Willits dress shoes for $4.00! I also got Elijah the cutest little Puma shoes last year for $3.00!

These sales usually also have all sorts of other baby stuff besides clothes--pack-n-plays, toys, car seats...anything and everything for cheap. They do also have tons of smocked stuff if you're into that...I realize that I am one of the only moms on planet earth who is not. Before Elijah was born, I'll be honest, I wanted only brand new stuff for my baby...I am way over that :) I will never buy a stroller, pack-n-play, or any other baby stuff like that retail--no way. If you have a good sale in your area, I highly encourage you take advantage of it. Clean out your closets of unwanted stuff, and get some awesome stuff dirt cheap. I always get excited when I see a kid wearing the same thing as Elijah or Adin, but I know they paid an arm and a leg for it and I got it for two bucks...ahhhh the satisfaction of a spending wisely! Here's what I got this time:

2 Old Navy sun hats
1 GAP leather belt
1 pair Willits boys shoes
6 pairs girls shoes (Crocs, Circo, Stride Rite, Keds)
3 button down boys shirts (Carter's, Cherokee, Old Navy)
3 polo shirts (Carter's, Faded Glory)
1 boys t-shirt (Carter's)
5 pairs boys shorts (GAP, Cherokee, Old Navy)
2 pairs boys pants (Cherokee)
3 pairs girls shorts (Old Navy)
2 girls shirts (OshKosh Genuine Kids, Old Navy)
9 dresses (Circo, Cherokee, Old Navy, OshKosh Genuine Kids)
1 matching pants/top set
2 swimsuits (Circo, Carter's)
2 books

Here's the link to the one where I sell/buy: Kids Clothes Connection.

For everywhere else, I recommend googling "kids consignment sale" and your city's name. Just ask around to other local moms or even call the local newspaper and you should be able to find out if there is a good one in your area. I hear there is a pretty great one in Mobile. Happy shopping!

What's Cooking...

2011-03-25T20:50:00.002-04:00

First, I uploaded Chapter 7 notes with answers for all you Womanly Dominion ladies.
Second, this is not a post, literally, about food. However, if you are looking for some easy and yummy recipes you can head over HERE to my recipe blog. Sorry, you won't find any awesome photography because (1) I am a pretty terrible photographer and (2) it is difficult to take pictures with a one year-old pulling on your pants leg and turning the knobs on the stove. What you will find is recipes that we have tried and loved, that are cheap and easy, and that (for the most part) can be made with one or more crazy children in the kitchen with you.
Now, on to what I've really got cooking: systematic theology for kids...
"Huh?" you say.
Let me explain. Remember that I have mentioned Bruce Ware's book Big Truths for Young Hearts a couple of times? Well, I am going through it and making little lessons that I can do at home with the kids. I will, of course, share them on here, too. Now I don't mean "lessons" like "Let's all sit down at the table while Mommy teaches" kind of lessons. I mean more like finding Bible story books that can be used before bedtime, coloring pages and crafts for play time, etc. that all go along with the same basic doctrine that I am teaching the kids that week) For instance the first section in Chapter 1 is "God Has Made Himself Known". It talks about God generally revealing himself through his creation around us and through how he made us. So, I am going to compile all the types of things mentioned above that will help teach this truth over a week or two. Then, we will move on to the next section, which will build on what we've just learned. Hopefully I can begin posting those soon!
Meanwhile, I plan on posting about the exciting world of kids consignment sales tomorrow (hopefully) for anyone who might be curious. Enjoy the weekend!

Womanly Dominion: Week 6 (Chapter 7)

2011-03-22T22:38:00.002-04:00

Just a quick note to let you ladies know that I just uploaded the notes for Chapter 7. Sorry I am late! The notes with answers will be up Thursday, as usual, and you should be reading Chapter 8 for next week! HERE is the link to all of our Womanly Dominion documents.

The Over-Sexualization of Little Girls

2011-03-20T14:11:00.002-04:00

Today I want to send you in the direction of a brief and pointed article on the Council for Biblical Manhood and Womanhood's website. The article entitled The Over-Sexualization of Little Girls does an excellent job of addressing this dilemma that we face today raising girls in a culture that is saturated with sex--a culture where sexuality it is accepted and promoted to young children without anyone so much as raising an eyebrow. This article gives some extreme media examples: Toddlers and Tiaras, seven year-olds at a dance competition in bustiers dancing provocatively to a Beyonce song. Sadly, though, these examples are not as extreme as we might like to think. Here's the link:

The Over Sexualization of Little Girls

Also, on the flip side, here's a GREAT book that talks about practically how to teach your daughter biblical womanhood:

Girl Talk: Mother-Daughter Conversations on Biblical Womanhood by Carolyn Mahaney and Nicole Whitacre (Carolyn's daughter)

Obedience or Legalism?

2011-03-19T10:05:00.003-04:00

On this blog and in the book Womanly Dominion, which we are studying through right now, we talk about a lot of subjects that fall under the umbrella of how to have a biblical marriage and family. A great many of these things are entirely different than the cultural norm, and because of that seem a bit radical to some. A question I often hear is "Isn't that legalistic?" ("Aren't there, like, two tracks to Christianity--Christianity for normal people and then Christianity for religious nuts?"). I imagine that many more think it than say it. So, I believe it will be beneficial to address that concern.

First, let's define legalism. There are two types of legalism. First, would be when someone thinks that their works earn them salvation. A second type of legalism is when we add our own requirements to those found in Scripture and treat them as if they are Scripture. This is what the Pharisees did with their 600+ additional laws. Scripture addresses both of these.

We read, first, that "by grace you have been saved through faith. And this is not your own doing; it is the gift of God, not a result of works, so that no one may boast" (Ephesians 2:8-9 ESV). However, we also see in Scripture that obedience to God's word is, in fact, evidence of genuine faith. Genuine faith produces good works. Indeed, we see in the verse immediately following the verse above that we are "created in Christ Jesus [born again] for good works, that God prepared beforehand, that we should walk in them" (Ephesians 2:10). Again, Jesus says very plainly in John 14:15 "If you love me, you will keep my commandments." Jesus says in John 15:8 says, "By this my Father is glorified, that you bear much fruit and so prove to be my disciples." We read in 1 John 2:3 "And by this we know that we have come to know him, if we keep his commandments." And again in 1 John 5:3 "For this is the love of God, that we keep his commandments. And his commandments are not burdensome."

If indeed, merely obeying the clear commands and living by the wise principles of Scripture is legalism, then God himself was the supreme legalist. Consider the Great Commission: "Go therefore and make disciples of all nations [...] teaching them to obey all that I have commanded you {...]" (Matthew 28:19-20, emphasis mine). Look back at the verses we mentioned above: We are "created in Christ Jesus [born again] for good works, that God prepared beforehand, that we should walk in them" (Ephesians 2:10)...1 John 2:3 "And by this we know that we have come to know him, if we keep his commandments."

So, it is correct to say that legalism is not godly. However, we must not stop there and remain blissfully ignorant and blissfully disobedient. Even the biblically ignorant will be held accountable before God. We are commanded to obey God's word, and we must know what it says in order to obey it. Indeed, Scripture says that as believers we should delight in obedience. We must also remember that legalism and obedience are not synonymous. Scripture tells us that we are not saved by our works and we are not to be Pharisaical and add our own laws to Scripture. Scripture also tells us that our obedience to Scripture is evidence that our faith is genuine.

Being obedient to Scripture probably isn't going to make us popular, and it is certainly not going to make us blend in to the world around us. We have Christ as proof of that. People, maybe even some people within the church, will think you are weird, abnormal, stupid, and, yes, you will probably be accused of being a legalist. Regardless, we must remember that the purpose of our obedience is not to be patted on the back by our observers, but rather our purpose is the glory and pleasure of our Heavenly Father. 2 Corinthians 5:15 reminds us "and he died for all, that those who live might no longer live for themselves but for him who for their sake died and was raised."

Womanly Dominion Chapter 6

2011-03-13T21:36:00.003-04:00

Because I continue to get confused about which week we are on, I am just going to put which Chapter we are on--that way my confusion won't confuse any of you...confusing right?
Remember that there will not be notes for Chapters 4 & 5 due to the fact that we are not covering them in class. I encourage you to read them; we are just not going to discuss them.
I just uploaded the notes for Chapter 6 without answers filled in. This is a great lesson, and I hope you will read and work through the notes thoroughly. I will post the notes with answers filled in and some extra comments on Thursday. Happy studying!
Access all the Womanly Dominion documents HERE.

Coming Soon to Your Local Lifeway Store: HERESY???

2011-03-12T11:07:00.005-05:00

I just got off the phone with my local Lifeway. I asked one question:

"Hi. Will you be carrying Rob Bell's new book Love Wins when it is released March 15?"
Their answer? "Yes."
"Thank you, that's all I needed to know" (me talking).

I know a lot of you ladies near my age have heard of Rob Bell. We've all seen his NOOMA videos. Almost everyone I knew had a "Love Wins" t-shirt at the Southern Baptist college I attended.
So let's just get right to it. This post has nothing to do with moms or wives in particular, but it has everything to do with the integrity of Scripture, the Gospel, and the glory of the One True God. This is BIG. PLEASE KEEP READING.

Rob Bell's new book Love Wins will be released March 15. Based upon the pre-release publicity video produced by Rob Bell himself, it appears that this book will be promoting universalism (No one goes to hell. Everyone goes to heaven). My friends, if this is the case, then this is HERESY. If this is the case, then I hope our Southern Baptist Lifeway stores will pull the book...otherwise, you won't be running into me there. If this is the case, then God's word, the very character of God, and the Gospel are going to be reviled to thousands and thousands of people. Dr. Albert Mohler, president of The Southern Baptist Theological Seminary, Justin Taylor, and Kevin DeYoung (both of The Gospel Coalition) have all written excellent articles about the publicity material released for this upcoming book. PLEASE take ten minutes and read them (watch Rob Bell's publicity video linked within the articles), and then let's all wait and see if in fact this book is what it has been promoted to be. If it is, pray for Rob Bell, spread the word to all your friends, and (if you are Southern Baptist) write a letter to Lifeway asking them to refuse to sell heresy. Scripture calls the church to not tolerate false doctrine, and this (if it is what it is being promoted as) is as false as it gets. As Dr. Mohler writes HERE, "Hell may be denied, but it will not disappear." And that's exactly where the heresy of universalism leads.

Universalism a Lure? The Emerging Case of Rob Bell by Dr. R. Albert Mohler

Rob Bell: Universalist? by Justin Taylor

Two Thoughts on the Rob Bell Brouhaha by Kevin DeYoung

Here's a quote from DeYoungs article:
"I realize this post will not make universalists, inclusivists, and non-Christians change their minds. But perhaps there are some Rob Bell fans who have enjoyed the Noomas and learned from the books and you aren’t quite sure what the fuss is all about. Why is everyone ragging on your favorite preacher? My exhortation is to watch the video again. Read through the words and see if they line up with the hymns you sing. See if the questions sound right next to Isaiah 53, John 3, and Revelation 20-22. Look into Gandhi’s Hinduism and see if that seems compatible with Christianity. Explore the giants of church history (e.g., Augustine, Luther, Calvin) and see what mainstream Christians have believed through the centuries. Read through some of the confessions or catechisms you may have grown up reading. Above all, search the Scriptures and see what God says. You may just conclude your old Sunday school teachers knew a thing or two.

Rob Bell is right about one thing: what you believe about heaven and hell says a lot about what you believe about God. That’s why theological error of this magnitude cannot go unchecked. The God of the Vimeo clip is not a God of wrath, not a God of eternal recompense, not a God who showed us love in sending his Son to be a propitiation for our wretched sins, not a God whose will it was to crush the Suffering Servant in an exercise of divine justice and free grace. Indeed, says Bell—even if he says it with a question—such a God could not be good.

We don’t have to guess if Bell will say something dreadfully, horribly, disgracefully wrong.

He already has."

-from "Two Thoughts on the Rob Bell Brouhaha" by Kevin DeYoung found HERE.

Celebrating Jesus at Easter

2011-03-11T20:39:00.005-05:00

Let's face it, for the majority of the American Christian population, the only thing religious about Easter is that we go to church and, perhaps, get a chocolate cross alongside our chocolate bunny. Usually our Easter "celebration" consists of only one day (Easter Sunday)--maybe two if our church does something special for Palm Sunday.
There are two things that I want to point out here: First, we celebrate Christmas for a whole month (really Hobby Lobby starts putting out Christmas stuff in September) yet somehow Easter, which is quite worthy of a celebration, barely even gets a day when you subtract all the rabbits and chocolate. That brings me to my second point, which is that, indeed, as Christians we have something infinitely glorious to celebrate--

"[...] we have turned--every one--to his own way; and the LORD has laid on him the iniquity of us all." -Isaiah 53:6 ESV
"[...] he made him [Jesus] to be sin who knew no sin, so that in him we might become the righteousness of God." -2 Corinthians 5:21

PRAISE GOD! We are guilty before the One, True, Holy God and we deserve eternal hell, BUT because of Christ leaving heaven and coming to earth in the form of a baby (that's Christmas), living a sinless life, and taking the punishment for our disobedience to God (that's Easter) we can be reconciled to God if we repent and believe (Mark 1:15; John 14:15)! There is NOTHING more worthy of a celebration.

Sooooo, here is what we will be doing to attempt to more rightly celebrate and to take advantage of a prime opportunity to teach our kids. I must tell you, I copied this idea with only a few modifications from my dear friend Stephanie. Your can check out her post HERE. Here's what we are doing:

What in the world is that? Well, it's a Resurrection Tree. The concept is similar to the Advent calendar we used to celebrate Jesus' birth. Under the tree are 12 little boxes.

Why 12? Well, (1) I wanted Easter to be as big of a deal as our Christmas celebration, (2) that is how many little boxes they had at Hobby Lobby. How's that for a super religious answer? I decorated the lids with scrapbook paper and Elijah colored the bottoms with crayons. Anyway, each day, the kids will open a box (they are numbered so we can work on Elijah recognizing numbers and counting, too!). Inside there will be a treat for each of them and a little ornament to hang on the tree (Stephanie's ornaments are beautiful appliqued fabric ones...mine are card stock).

On one side of the ornament is a Scripture reference to read and explain to the kids. On the other side is a little clip art picture corresponding to the Scripture passage. So each day, we can look back at the pictures and remember what we have learned so far. This took me all of two nap-times to make AND all the Easter stuff is 40% off right now at Hobby Lobby!

I will also be ordering one or two of the Easter story Arch books--probably this one and this one. I mentioned a while back that we use these Arch books every night before bed. Well, we still are, and we still love them.

Here are the Scriptures and corresponding images for our ornaments. We are going to go in reverse order so we can count down the days to Easter:

Box 12-Matthew 21:1-11 & Zechariah 9:9/palm branch
Box 11-Mark 14:3-9/perfume bottle
Box 10-Matthew 26:17-29/loaf of bread
Box 9-Matthew 26:14-15/coin
Box 8-Matthew 27:27-31/crown of thorns
Box 7-John 19:17/cross
Box 6-Luke 23:32-34/nail
Box 5-John 19:23-24 & Psalm 22:18/dice
Box 4-Isaiah 53:6 & 2 Corinthians 5:21/sheep
Box 3-John 19:40/spices
Box 2-Matthew 27:62-66/rock
Box 1-Matthew 28:1-9/empty!

Scripturally Sound Parenting Resources

2011-03-08T20:46:00.005-05:00

In response to this post on biblical discipline, I have had lots of inquiries about good parenting books, so I figured I would post on it for anyone else who may be wondering, even though I have posted individually on most of these before. I am sure that there are other scripturally sound books out there, but these are the best of what I have read.
Also, I want to point out that none of these books are parenting methods or parenting philosophies...these books are not parenting instructions from "Dr. So-and-So, MD" or "Dr. So-an-So, PhD" based on what the experts and the experts' studies say. Don't get me wrong, I love doctors and their "expert studies" are helpful in cases where they are not contrary to Scripture. If the "expert findings" do conflict with Scripture, then we always, ALWAYS go with Scripture (2 Timothy 3:16-17). We always choose the instruction of The Expert over that of "the experts." And frankly, "the experts" are often wrong because (1)they don't acknowledge the One True God or His word and (2)most of the issues we deal with are in some way related to sin--and you can't measure sin in a test tube, nor can you search a man's heart. So primarily what you get from these experts is behavior modification, and even that is often done in an unbiblical manner.
Okay, back to the books I want to recommend (sorry for that little rabbit trail). As, I said these books are not methods. These books simply point out and expound on the teaching of Scripture, which is, indeed, sufficient. I encourage you to take advantage of the feature on Amazon.com where you can look at the table of contents in these books and see a few pages.

-The Faithful Parent: A Biblical Guide to Raising a Family by Stuart Scott and Martha Peace
This book outlines the teaching of Scripture on parenting as a whole and is broken down by age of your child.

-Teach Them Diligently: How to Use the Scriptures in Child Training by Lou Priolo
This one also has an optional separate study guide. The title of this book pretty much says it all. This book teaches practically how to use Scripture in the discipline and instruction of our children. The principles taught can be applied to children of any age.

-Big Truths for Young Hearts: Teaching and Learning the Greatness of God by Bruce Ware
This is essentially systematic theology for kids (even as young as 2). This is more of a handbook than something you would sit down and just read. He begins with the primary foundational truths of Scripture about who God is and systematically goes through Scripture teaching all the things that we need to know about God, His word, salvation, the church etc. in a kid-friendly way, as well as in an order that will help children to best learn and understand the truth of Scripture.

-Womanly Dominion and Manly Dominion by Mark Chanski
This is one book for mom and one for dad. These are, however, not specifically parenting books. These books are on our roles as men and women, as seen in Scripture. I would say this should be required reading, because (1) you need to teach your kids what their role is as male or female and (2) a large portion of each book is actually devoted to specific teaching on parenting since that does fall (in different ways) under the roles of both the father and mother
and (3) as several people taking classes on these two books at church have said, these books will "change your life" possibly more than any other book (aside from the Bible, of course).

Hope these help! I will be posting soon on what our plans are for celebrating Jesus at Easter!

Womanly Dominion: Week 5?

2011-03-07T12:21:00.003-05:00

I am getting quite confused with a Sunday class, a Wednesday class, and an online group--especially since the Beallwood classes were on the same week, then they weren't, and now they are again...confusing, right? Anyway, let me clarify for everyone where we are:

BEALLWOOD SUNDAY GROUP:
You should be reading Chapter 6 (yes we skipped 4 & 5) for next Sunday. I know I said 6 & 7, but realistically I know we will only cover 6 :)
We will not be covering Chapters 4 & 5 in class, but I do encourage you to read them. They are excellent, there is just not much to discuss and we have lots to cover in the coming weeks!

BEALLWOOD WEDNESDAY GROUP:
You should be reading Chapter 3 for next Wednesday.

ONLINE LADIES:
I posted everything for chapter 3 last week. You have a free week this week because you are a week ahead of the Beallwood ladies. So, you ladies can read chapters 4 & 5 this week. There will not be any notes for 4 & 5 because we will not be covering them in the Beallwood classes.

I hope you are enjoying the book. Let me know if anyone has trouble with the documents online. You can find everything we have covered so far HERE.

Also, (this has nothing to do with Womanly Dominion) you can find lots of easy recipes by clicking on the "What's for Dinner?" link up top on the right side or by clicking HERE!

Biblical Discipline or Behavior Modification?

2011-03-01T21:02:00.009-05:00

These days more and more the church at large is being influenced to the culture rather than transforming the culture. You need only to casually browse through the parenting books at your local Christian bookstore (or on Amazon--whatever) to see just how much we have embraced the wisdom of the world--particularly in the area of discipline. These days many "Christian" parenting philosophies are promoting unbiblical teaching in the name of gentleness and motherly instinct.
Let me give you a little case study to illustrate the stark contrast. Suppose my preschool age child is throwing a tantrum--laying on the floor and kicking and screaming--because he did not get his way. What am I to do?

'Put him in a one minute time out.... Ignore him and he will learn soon enough that this sort of tantrum does not give him his desired result and he will no longer throw tantrums.... No matter what, don't ever spank.' This is the sort of counsel you might get from many Christian parenting resources today.

But what does the Bible say?
Give him a time out and a good talking to?
Proverbs 29:19 "By mere words a servant is not disciplined, for though he understands he will not respond."

Ignore him?
Proverbs 29:15 "The rod and reproof give wisdom, but a child left to himself brings shame to his mother."

Don't ever spank him?
Proverbs 22:15 "Folly is bound up in the heart of a child, but the rod of discipline drives it far from him."

Also, just as a side note, I have read numerous times that "the rod" referred to in Scriptures talking about discipline was not used to strike. Rather it was an instrument used to simply lead and guide sheep. While there is much more that could be cited to disprove this thought, it seems to me that the verse below is sufficient.

Proverbs 23:13 "Do not withhold discipline from a child; if you strike him with a rod he will not die."

Additionally, as believers we bear the image of God to a lost world (Genesis 1:27; Colossians 3:10). As image-bearers of God, the way we discipline our children should mirror the way our Father disciplines His children. No where in Scripture do I see God ignoring sin...
And that is what it is--sin. I know our kids are cute, but the fact is that Scripture says they are sinners (Romans 3:23), enemies of God (Romans 5:10), and fools (Proverbs 22:15). And it is our job as parents to raise them in the discipline and instruction of the Lord (Ephesians 6:4) and drive that folly from their heart (Proverbs 22:15), so that they might learn to fear God and obey His commands which is the whole duty of man (Ecclesiastes 12:13). Nor, do I see God giving anyone a holy timeout. Read through the Old Testament and you will see how seriously God takes sin (for example Exodus 32:27-28; Leviticus 14:27-46). And we need only look to the cross to see in the New Testament the seriousness of sin.
Now, some might say, "But my child really did stop throwing temper tantrums after I ignored him for a while" or "after I put him in timeout." It's true, those methods may work to end the tantrums on some easy-going children. And if our goal as Christian parents was merely behavior modification (ending the tantrums), then that would be great. If our goal was merely to control the symptoms rather than solve the problem, then those methods would be sufficient. If our goal was to raise "good people," then those methods would be ideal.
But it's not. As Christian parents our goal is to treat the problem not just the symptoms, and the prescription is God's word which is able to make our child "wise for salvation" (2 Timothy 3:15). The problem is the sinful flesh controlling our child's heart (Ephesians 4:22; Colossians 3:9) before salvation and the folly bound in his/her heart--the symptom is the tantrum.
Age-appropriate physical discipline (spanking) is necessary and biblical for the discipline of our children. But wait! Let's not pat ourselves on the back yet. That's only half of it. "The rod and reproof give wisdom" (Proverbs 29:15), remember?
Just as reproof without the rod is not biblical, so "the rod" without reproof is unbiblical. Not only that, when we fail to use the rod and reproof we greatly increase the odds that we will raise "good kids" who remain enemies of God or that we will exasperate our children and provoke them to anger (Ephesians 6:4; Colossians 3:21).
So, biblical discipline involves the wise use of age-appropriate physical discipline (spanking) alongside gentle and loving reproof from God's word (explaining to your child his sin using Scripture, explaining the right actions that he should replace his sinful actions with, and guiding him in the biblical model of confession and repentance).
I realize that a whole book could be written (and likely has been) on this subject, but this is a blog post (a long one). So, don't take my word for it. Dig into God's word yourself. And let's remember that Scripture is sufficient for ALL of life and godliness.
Additionally, I must mention this. Just as our sinful nature tempts us to be lacking in the area of discipline, some are also tempted to go too far. Please note, that I said the force with which you spank should be age-appropriate. As with all things, the act of disciplining our child is to be done in a Christ-like way. We are commanded to love our children with a tender affection and not to be harsh with them. Both of these qualities should come in to play in disciplining our children. Biblical discipline should be firm and effective without being harsh.

Womanly Dominion: Week 3 (Chapter 2) with Answers UPLOADED

2011-02-25T13:06:00.004-05:00

Some of you have already noticed, but I just wanted to make sure that everyone saw that I uploaded Week 3 (Chapter 2) with the answers filled in last night. You can access it HERE along with the documents from previous weeks.
I want to encourage all of you who are doing the study online to keep it up! I know it is easy to fall behind when you are not physically sitting in the class. But "win it!" Finish the class! It won't take much time out of your week, and the truth that we are learning from God's word is far worth the little time that it will take!
BEALLWOOD LADIES: Sunday night we are on Week 4 and you should have read chapter 3. Wednesday group, you are a week behind and should have chapter 2 read.

Womanly Dominion: Week 3

2011-02-21T12:49:00.002-05:00

I just uploaded the Week 3 (Chapter 2) discussion questions. You can find them and everything from the past two weeks HERE.
Also, just a reminder for the Wednesday night Beallwood group: WE WILL NOT MEET THIS WEEK. We are having WMU Focus Night this Wednesday; so, you gals will be a week behind the Sunday night group and the online ladies. Feel free to go ahead and take a peek at our Week 3 discussion questions as you read, though.

Womanly Dominion: Week 2 With Answers

2011-02-17T07:25:00.002-05:00

Okay, I had some problems with Scribd (the site where we are viewing all of our Womanly Dominion documents), but I think it is fixed. I have uploaded our Week 2 (Chapter 1) notes filled in with answers. Click HERE to access them. Read chapter 2 for next week!

Idols of the Heart: Valentine's Day?

2011-02-15T06:18:00.008-05:00

Consider these Scriptures:
"For God so loved the world that He gave [...]." -John 3:16 ESV
"[...] I live by faith in the Son of God who loved me and gave Himself for me." -Galatians 2:20 ESV
"And walk in love, as Christ loved us and gave Himself for us [...]." -Ephesians 5:2 ESV
"[...] as Christ loved the Church and gave Himself up for her," -Ephesians 5:25 ESV

Did you catch the pattern? Based on these verses I think we can rightly say that biblical, Christlike love (which we should have in our marriage) is about giving, serving, sacrificing...it's about our spouse, NOT us.

"So if there is any encouragement in Christ, any comfort from love, any participation in the Spirit, any affection and sympathy, complete my joy by being of the same mind, having the same love, being in full accord and of one mind. Do nothing from rivalry or conceit, but in humility count others [your spouse] more significant than yourselves. Let each of you look not only to his own interests, but also to the interests of others [your spouse]. Have this mind among yourselves, which is yours in Christ Jesus, who, though he was in the form of God, did not count equality with God a thing to be grasped, but made himself nothing, taking the form of a servant, being born in the likeness of men. And being found in human form, he humbled himself by becoming obedient to the point of death, even death on a cross." -Philippians 2:1-8 ESV [emphasis mine]

Now, think about your Valentine's Day. Was it all about our husbands or all about us? Did we spend the whole day wondering what extravagant thing he would do for us? A dozen roses? An expensive dinner?
There is nothing innately wrong with celebrating Valentine's Day like that or with having an anxious excitement over what your husband might do for you. BUT it could easily become an idol of our hearts. Let me explain...
When you desire something--even something good--so much that you sin to get it or sin when you don't get it, then it has become idolatry. Read that a few times and let it soak in. So, IF your husband had not done what you expected of him on Valentine's Day, would you have been sinfully angry? Discontent and disappointed? Jealous and covetous thinking of what other husbands did for their wives? If so, then you've crossed into idolatry.
Maybe you were fine on Valentine's Day...but what about Mother's Day? Were you bitter that you only got a phone call? Or perhaps just jealous that your kids don't "love you" as much as some other kids do their moms?
The point is this, whether our husbands (or our kids or whoever) show Christlike love to us or not, we are still responsible for our own obedience. We need to remember that in obeying the commands to love our husbands and children, that it is "the Lord Christ [we] are serving" (Colossians 3:24). So maybe we need to repent of some idols in our hearts, humble ourselves like Christ, and obey the model of Christlike love that we see in Scripture--the model of a selfless, serving, giving love, not of selfish, self-centeredness. Maybe we need to focus our hearts on serving our LORD and think about ways we can truly love and serve our husbands today.

Womanly Dominion: Week 2

2011-02-14T14:27:00.002-05:00

Just an update--we are on Week 2 of our study, and I just uploaded this week's study notes and discussion questions (that correspond to Chapter 1). You can access them, as well as last week's documents by clicking here. I will upload the documents filled in with answers on Thursday to give you some time to read and work through them yourself. Once you are done, you can read Chapter 2 of Womanly Dominion for next week! Hope you are enjoying the book!
Also, if any Beallwood ladies missed the first week or two of class, you can catch up by clicking the link in the above paragraph. Love you, ladies! Oh, and I added a recipe over on my "What's for Dinner?" page!

What's for Dinner?

2011-02-11T07:20:00.002-05:00

When you have time, take a peek at my "What's for Dinner?" page (Look over on the right side of the screen under "Pages."). I regularly come across great, yummy, budget-friendly recipes that make my life easier, and I'd love to pass them along to you!

Womanly Dominion: Week 1

2011-02-07T13:58:00.002-05:00

Click here to access the notes for the first week of the Womanly Dominion class.
This week since it was just notes without any corresponding reading from the book, I went ahead an uploaded the outline that is completely filled in with the answers/notes. These notes are essential and foundational to our study, so please take time to read them carefully. Get your Bible out and read the Scriptures that are referenced. I also uploaded some introductory remarks that will be helpful as we begin.
Womanly Dominion (the book) sort of begins with the assumption that you affirm that complementary gender roles are, in fact, biblical. It then continues by laying out what our role is as women. The outline that I have for you to study this week sets the stage for the book by giving us a firm and thorough Scriptural foundation for complementary gender roles.
The "homework" for next week is listed on the notes for this week. You will be reading Chapters one and two. I will upload the study guide and discussion questions blank next Monday, and then filled in with answers on Thursday. That will be the pattern we following in the following weeks, as well.
Love the LORD your God with all your mind! Go!

Got Your Books?

2011-02-04T06:59:00.003-05:00

...if not, there's still time! Here's how our Womanly Dominion book study is going to work for those of you who will be following along online. Beginning this Sunday (Feb. 6) I will be teaching the class at my church. I will teach the same class again on Wednesday night (We have two groups because not everyone could participate on Sundays).
So, FOR YOU, I am planning on posting the blank (without the answers filled in) study guide on Mondays. THEN I will post the study guide with the answers filled in on Thursdays. This way you can work through some of the discussion questions yourself and get the most out of the study. Again, you will not need your book until the second week of the study. The first week will be introduction and foundational stuff. I'm excited!

While We're Waiting...

2011-02-01T21:12:00.003-05:00

I figured I might as well give us something to chew on--something, perhaps, to peak our interest and heighten the anticipation--as we wait to begin our study on biblical womanhood. So, here is a quote by Nancy Leigh DeMoss from the Foreward of Feminine Appeal (I know. That's not the book we are using in our study, but I am going to be supplementing from it a lot):

"Christian women--no less than nonbelieving women--are in desperate need of the truth. The look of frustration, pain , or hollowness in so many eyes tells the story of women who are generally disappointed with life. They feel victimized--even traumatized--by circumstances that have fallen short of their hopes and dreams. As far as they are concerned, life just isn't working.
And the problem goes even deeper than what is obvious at first glance. I believe that this sense of confusion and distress among Christian women is because, by and large, we are profoundly disoriented about who God is and who we are, and about our calling and mission in life--as women. Almost en masse we have bought into a way of thinking about life and about womanhood, marriage, and family that is culturally accepted and politically correct but fundamentally flawed. For sure, it has not delivered what it promised.
But I said there's good news also. And there is. Everywhere I go, as I speak about the ways of God and what it means to reflect the glory of God as a woman, I am greatly encouraged by the hunger and eagerness of many women to receive the Word and to act on it."
(DeMoss, Nancy L. "Foreward." Foreword. Feminine Appeal: Seven Virtues of a Godly Wife and Mother. Wheaton: Crossway, 2004. 13. Print.)

May we have that same eagerness to receive the Word of God and act obediently. Looking forward to our study starting Sunday! I will have the documents up Sunday or Monday.

Join Us!

2011-01-29T15:26:00.004-05:00

Calling all ladies! Old, young, single, married, widowed, with kids, without kids, thinking about kids, teens...
We are doing a book study! That's right. Beginning Sunday, February 6, I am humbled and privileged to have the opportunity to teach a class on biblical womanhood as part of our weekly Life Classes at our church. For most of the thirteen weeks we will be using the book Womanly Dominion by Mark Chanski to direct us in our study. And guess what?! You can join us...sort of. I will be posting our study guides, discussion questions/answers, etc. HERE each week. Soooo, head over to Amazon.com, get yourself a copy, and join us for this awesome study! You should have time to order it; we will not be starting on the book until the second week. Here's just a handful of the many things we will cover:

-God's Design for Women (Gender Roles)
-The Biblical Basis for Complementary Gender Roles
-Culture's Assault on God's Design
-Biblical Womanhood in Marriage...Child Rearing...the Church...etc.
-The Gospel and the Glory of God: The Purpose of God's Design
-Mentoring
-A Christian Feminist??
-What Does a "Gentle and Quiet Spirit" Look Like?
-Biblical Womanhood in Appearance and Modesty
-Facing Fears Biblically
-Biblical Decision-Making
-Confusing, Controversial Scriptures

Join us as we dig in to God's all-sufficient Word!

Just for Kids: Arch Books Bible Stories

2011-01-19T14:00:00.006-05:00

I am SUPER excited to share these books with you! Elijah got five of these for Christmas....Honestly, these were one of those "I need one more gift so the kids will be even" gifts. And, yes, upon opening them he gave me one of those "Seriously, Mom...books?" kind of looks. BUT we have used them every night since Christmas (at his request). They have even replaced his beloved "machine book" (construction trucks, wrecking balls, etc.) which had previously been the only book he would read before bed!
So, anyway, here is why I love them.
First, they are only $2 at Lifeway--WAY, WAY cheaper than most children's books.
Second, they are short. At first glance I was unsure if they would be too long for my just-turned-2 year old. But the length has not been an issue at all. Don't underestimate your child!
Third, they rhyme. Now, here's a little sidenote. James does the bedtime story/devotion. The very first night that we read one, he quickly announced that he was not a fan of the rhyming...not very manly when reading out loud I guess. However, we both agree that the rhyming does wonders for helping Elijah remember what we are reading. For example, we have been alternating the five books for almost a month now, but Elijah's favorite is "The Twelve Who Followed Jesus." Just from reading that book, he can name all twelve disciples! He can even tell you which ones were brothers! Rhyming for memorization isn't a new idea. Did you know that numerous portions of Scripture, particularly in the Old Testament, rhymed in the original language? Unfortunately, we miss out when reading it in English :(
Fourth, they have a convenient little paragraph at the end that helps parents tie it all together for their kids.
Finally, from what we have read so far, the stories are biblically accurate. It is simply a rhyming version of what you find in Scripture.
I love them, Elijah loves them. James loves them (minus the rhyming). You will love them.
Grab a few...your kid may look at you weird at first, but I think they will love them, too.

Repost: Load me up!

2011-01-11T14:04:00.002-05:00

Continuing a thought from the last post, why is the thought of not using birth control so "hard to swallow?" Why do we refer to an unplanned child as a risk, another mouth to feed, etc.? Words like these can be just as likely heard from the mouths of professing Christians as from nonbelievers. The issue is that the increasingly un-Christlike attitude of our culture toward children has permeated the Church. The world says that children are a burden, an inconvenience, a hindrance to happiness and fulfillment, a strain on one's time, money, and nerves. Statistics continue to show the number of older new mothers (35+) increasing by leaps and bounds as the number of twenty-something mothers steadily declines; and time after time the studies cite the primary cause being women wanting to get an education and a have a career before being "tied down." Statistics also show that increasingly families who do eventually have kids are keeping it at two or less. Society would say "enjoy your life, have your career, spend your money, do the things you want to do, and then (when the woman's prime physical child-bearing years are coming to an end), if you must, have children, but for pete's sake keep it at one or two."
Dr. Phil, popular TV psychologist, offers this advice to those trying to decide whether or not to have children:
Consider the statistics: The reality of 3 a.m. feedings, changing 10,000 diapers and the fact that a baby born in 2002 will cost $250,000 by age 18! Are you ready to sign up for this?...Keep in mind that if you're happy with your home life as it is, a new addition may disrupt the balance....Don't feel guilty if the desire to have a baby isn't there. A lot of women think there's something wrong with them if they don't want to have a family. There isn't....
Later he lists some questions your unborn child might ask, to include this one:
Is the family already struggling to provide the emotional and financial needs of the children who are already here? Would I diminish the quality of life for them?
This is the type of thought toward children that pervades our society and it is completely antithetical to the Bible's teaching of children and the family. Dr. Russell Moore, Dean of Theology at The Southern Baptist Theological Seminary, writes in his book Adopted for Life, "What God calls blessing we often grumble at as a curse--and for the same reason those old kings [Pharaoh and Herod] did, because they disrupt our life plans.[...] I am not arguing that parents should have as many children as biologically possible. I'm not arguing that every family is called to adopt children. I am suggesting, though, that we look at some of the ways we refuse to see blessing in something as noisy and frustrating as children." The Bible calls children a "blessing" and a "reward." Scripture also teaches wise stewardship of what the Lord gives us, and trust in the Lord for provision.
Now I am certainly not saying that it is the Lord's will for everyone to have 15 kids...no, no, no. What I am saying is that we need to realize that the family according to God's design IS what is best and most fulfilling. We need to strive to be obedient stewards of God's financial and material gifts so that we can welcome however many children the Lord gives us as the blessings that they are, and trust that the Lord will provide exceedingly, abundantly above. We need to stop calling the Christian mom with three car seats in her car (yes, I am sure she knows what causes that) crazy and call her blessed instead. And whether we are blessed with a family of three or ten, we need remember to look to God's Word, not our culture, to determine and shape our mindset.
"Do not be conformed to this world, but be transformed by the renewal of your mind, that by testing you may discern what is the will of God, what is good and acceptable and perfect." (Romans 12:2 ESV)

Repost: Hard to Swallow

2011-01-08T07:57:00.003-05:00

Here's another one from the archives. I got a lot of response from this one. If you are a young Christian family, I hope you will give it some thought. Have a great weekend, everyone!

Shortly before Elijah was born, James and I had to look into what kind of birth control pill or patch I would need to use after his birth. There were several considerations, especially if I had continued nursing. However, as we researched we were quite surprised with what we found. The question was no longer what kind of birth control we should have prescribed, but should we use the pill (or patch) at all. What we found was, indeed, hard to swallow. Here is what we found: Often the terms conception and fertilization are used interchangeably. They are, however, not synonymous.

"Birth control pills use synthetic hormones to fool a woman’s body into thinking things are normal. Then a normal menstrual period is produced by withdrawing those hormones at just the right time but without producing an egg. However, if by chance an egg develops, even though it may be fertilized, there aren’t enough hormones present to prepare the uterus for the egg’s implantation.(11) Implantation always involves an already conceived human being and thus a contraceptive that prevents implantation is by definition an abortifacient. Essentially manufacturers of the Pill in its various forms ultimately admit that although the primary mechanism of the oral contraceptive is to inhibit ovulation, if that does not happen for whatever reasons, other alterations include changes in the cervical mucus. The latter action increases the difficulty of sperm entry into the uterus and thus produces “changes in the endometrium which reduce the likelihood of implantation.”(12)

Of the three mechanisms of birth control (inhibiting ovulation, thickening the cervical mucus to make it more difficult for sperm to travel to the egg, and shriveling the lining of the uterus so that it is unable or at least less able to facilitate the implantation of a fertilized egg), the first two are preventive and the third is abortive. In the latter case, the Pill prevents a woman’s body from creating the most hospitable environment for a child since the endometrium is deficient in both food (or glycogen) and oxygen, which means the new life may die because the child lacks nutrition and oxygen. If implantation is unsuccessful, the child is flushed out of the womb in a miscarriage."(Read a full and much more detailed essay on the topic here http://www.dorothypatterson.info/Contraception.cfm )

(All of this was confirmed by my previous OB/GYN. I think he assumed I was asking for the sake of being certain that the pill would be effective at preventing pregnancy, because he wholeheartedly assured me that if an egg was ovulated and fertilized it was almost impossible for it to implant.)

We believe as Christians that life begins at conception (when the egg and sperm join) not at implantation (when the embryo attaches to the uterine wall). So, even though it is only a small possibility that a life could be aborted from the uterus on the pill, it is still a possibility. "Someone has suggested that a couple must weigh the increased “risk” of having a child--a gift God calls a blessing--against the possibility of killing a child--an act God calls an abomination, whether in or out of the womb."

It is important to note that the only alternative to this is not having 17 children. There are some barrier methods as well as the natural family planning method.

As hard to swallow as this is (at first), it is an important issue for Christian families--one that we cannot ignore.

Repost: Homemaking

2011-01-06T21:29:00.001-05:00

I am going to be re-posting some oldies. Here's the first:

Today I found probably the best word on homemaking that I have ever read. Dorothy Patterson writes:
“Homemaking—being a full-time wife and mother—is not a destructive drought of uselessness but an overflowing oasis of opportunity; it is not a dreary cell to contain one’s talents and skills but a brilliant catalyst to channel creativity and energies into meaningful work; it is not a rope for binding one's productivity in the marketplace, but reins for guiding one's posterity in the home; it is not oppressive restraint of intellectual prowess for the community, but a release of wise instruction to your own household; it is not the bitter assignment of inferiority to your person, but the bright assurance of of the ingenuity of God's plan for the complementarity of the sexes, especially as worked out in God's plan for marriage; it is neither limitation of gifts available nor stinginess in distributing the benefits of those gifts, but rather the multiplication of a mother's legacy to the generations to come and the generous bestowal of all God meant a mother to give to those He entrusted to her care."
Homemaking gets a bad rap these days. Today's culture looks down on the stay-at-home wife/mom...it pities her as a waste of talents and gifts, a poor woman trapped in the walls of her own home enslaved to her husband and children. But for the Christian wife and mother nothing could be farther from the truth. As a Christian wife and mother our primary calling is to our home and therein lies one of God's greatest blessings.
Here are a couple of my favorite books on the subject:
Womanly Dominion by Mark Chanski
Feminine Appeal by Carolyn Mahaney
The Excellent Wife by Martha Peace

Just for Kids: $1 Target Toys

2010-12-15T09:46:00.004-05:00

Mommies of little boys: Get to Target NOW! I found these yesterday in the $1 section!

Family Devotions

2010-12-10T13:45:00.003-05:00

I know, it is not Christmas yet, but I am already thinking about the new year. This year Elijah is two, and we will begin to do short, two-year-old appropriate family devotions soon. Immediately questions come to mind like where do we start? What do we teach? How do we teach it so a toddler can begin to understand the God of the universe and hopefully one day enter into his family and call Him "Father?"
Well, James and I have found some amazing help: Dr. Bruce Ware's Big Truths for Young Hearts: Teaching and Learning the Greatness of God.
PLEASE follow the link, and click on the picture of the book to "LOOK INSIDE." Check out the table of contents, and you will quickly realize what an invaluable tool this will be for you. Basically, it is systematic theology for kids. And don't think your kids are too young! I have been astonished at how well Elijah listens and the things he has been able to learn just through our nightly Advent readings this month! Dr. Ware says in the book that he began teaching his own children when they were two. In fact, it was his (now adult) daughter who asked him to put all of those bedtime teachings into book form. It is important to note that this is not a devotional book, but rather a guide for parents to read and use as they teach their children from God's word. Remember what Paul writes to Timothy in 2 Timothy 3:14-15 [ESV] "But as for you, continue in what you have learned and have firmly believed, knowing from whom you learned it and how from childhood you have been acquainted with the sacred writings, which are able to make you wise for salvation through faith in Christ Jesus." (emphasis mine)
Another important note--Dr. Ware writes, and I wholeheartedly agree that this is an excellent book for new believers. Frankly this is a book that would be helpful for all Christians to read, and I am sure that you (parents) will get as much from it as your children will. At least I did.
Anyway, BUY IT!!

Jesse Tree

2010-12-05T16:03:00.007-05:00

I happened upon another great Advent tradition a few days ago. Unfortunately, it is a little late to use it this year. But it is definitely in the plans for next Christmas. It's a Jesse Tree (because Jesus is the root of Jesse--Isaiah 11 & Romans 15), and here is how it works. First you need a tree--like the Christmas tree that you probably already have up. A Jesse Tree Advent Scripture reading plan will include not only all of the normal Christmas Scripture passages, but also many accounts (or stories...I hate using the word "stories" because to me it seems give the idea that they are fictional...and they're not.)from Scripture that point to the first Advent of Christ. This seems like it would be especially great for kids. Each night you read your Scripture and hang an ornament bearing a picture that corresponds to the story. That way, throughout the month you can look at the pictures on the ornaments and review the redemptive plan that is found throughout the whole of God's word, from Genesis to Revelation.
Your ornaments can be simple laminated paper print-outs, or you could make this a fun craft project for older kids. Get some plastic ball ornaments and paint the pictures on them, then use a Sharpie to write the corresponding Scripture reference on the other side.
Click here to find a FREE 80+ page Jesse Tree booklet that you can download, print, and use. Did I mention it's FREE? It includes daily readings and ornament print-outs. To receive the file, follow the link and follow the instructions in the blue box at the bottom of the page.

For your listening pleasure...

2010-12-03T11:04:00.004-05:00

I love Christmas music! Real Christmas music, people. Not "holiday" music about shopping and elves and deer. No, I mean music about Christ humbling Himself and taking the form of a servant, leaving the glories of Heaven, not counting equality with God something to be grasped, and being born as a baby (Philippians 2:5-8)...all for the purpose of becoming sin for me that I might become the righteousness of God (2 Corinthians 5:21). Praise God! Now, that is a worthy thing to sing about! So, here are some of the favorite albums around our house during the Christmas season (really year-round...I won't start on that, though).

-Todd Agnew's "Do You See What I See?
-Future of Forestry's "Advent Christmas EP" & "Advent Christmas EP Vol.2"
-Downhere's "How Many Kings"
-Johnny Cash's "Personal Christmas Collection"
-Casting Crowns' "Peace on Earth"
-Third Day's "Christmas Offerings"
-Shane & Shane's "Glory in the Highest"
-Chris Tomlin's "Glory in the Highest: Christmas Songs of Worship"

Advent Scripture Reading Plan

2010-12-02T10:52:00.003-05:00

Here is the Advent Scripture reading plan starting with today...I know. I'm late. Sorry! Use it for your personal devotion time, read it as a family, share it with your kids, even little kids! Maybe for the long passages just read the key verse and then give a short explanation. Like last night we read Genesis 3:15, which says "I will put enmity between you and the woman,and between your offspring and her offspring; he shall bruise your head, and you shall bruise his heel." James read it and then explained to Elijah (who had his chocolate from our Advent calendar running down his chin at this point) that a long time ago, when the very first man and woman that God made disobeyed Him, God promised that he would send His Son Jesus to be our Savior and take our punishment for disobeying. This verse is talking about Jesus.
That's it! It took like thirty seconds. We look forward to being able to share more as the kids get older.

Dec. 2- Genesis 3:15
Dec. 3- Luke 1:1-25
Dec. 4- Luke 1:26-38
Dec. 5- Luke 1:39-45
Dec. 6- Luke 1:57-66
Dec. 7- Luke 1:67-80
Dec. 8- Isaiah 9:6-7
Dec. 9- Isaiah 40:1-11
Dec. 10- Micah 5:2
Dec. 11- Isaiah 7:14
Dec. 12- Matthew 1:18-25
Dec. 13- Luke 2:1-7
Dec. 14- Luke 2:8-20
Dec. 15- Luke 2:21-40
Dec. 16- Matthew 2:1-12
Dec. 17- Matthew 2:13-18
Dec. 18- Matthew 2:19-23
Dec. 19- John 1:1-18
Dec. 20- Philippians 2:5-12
Dec. 21- Luke 3:1-23
Dec. 22- John 1:19-28
Dec. 23- John 1:29-34
Dec. 24- 2 Peter 1:2
Dec. 25- 1 John 3:5 (great opportunity to share the gospel with this verse!)

Celebrating Advent

2010-10-29T16:41:00.020-04:00

This year we are excited to finally have a "normal" holiday season. The last two years we welcomed our two children during the holidays--our son on the day before Thanksgiving and our daughter the following year on Christmas Eve!
Here are some of the ways that we will be celebrating Christ this season.
First, we will be using an Advent calendar.

There will be a Scripture reference (We are using an Advent Scripture reading plan. I will post it soon) and a little treat for the kids behind each door. Each night we will read aloud the Scripture while the kids munch on their treat. Depending on the age of your kids, you may want to shorten the readings.

Second, we will be lighting Advent candles.

There are four candles, one for each Sunday leading to Christmas and a fifth candle for Christmas day. There are variations in the coloring of the candles, often there are three purple and one pink candle. Occasionally, all of the candles are purple (like ours). The central candle is usually a large white pillar candle. Here is a link to a site that explains the meaning of the candles and also gives corresponding Scriptures.

Third, I am going to make cookies with the kids--probably more than once :) Hobby Lobby has some great cookie cutters in the shape of stars and angels. I figured that would be a fun way to learn about the events of the first Christmas.

Fourth, James and I have a book of short daily Advent readings that is amazing. Come, Thou Long Expected Jesus compiled by Nancy Guthrie is a collection of writings on Christmas from faithful men like Martin Luther, John Calvin, Charles Spurgeon, John Piper, and many more. I used it last year, and it was a great help in focusing my mind on the wonder of the first Advent during the Christmas season.

Finally, we are trying to take every opportunity to verbally remind the kids (well, mostly Elijah this year) of why we do all the things that we do to celebrate Christmas. We have been reminding Elijah that all these things are to celebrate Jesus leaving heaven and coming to earth. Of course, each year our explanation will get a little more in depth. Why do we put up a Christmas tree and lights? Elijah will tell you "Celebrate Jesus." Why do we give gifts? "Remind people celebrate Jesus."

We are looking forward to the coming month as we celebrate Jesus birth and the salvation He offers to all who will repent and believe on Him.

Out to Lunch

2010-10-08T08:02:00.003-04:00

Hello ladies (and my husband and the other two gentlemen that I am aware of)! You may have already picked up on this, but I am taking a little blogging break. Should anything really pressing come up, I will blog. Otherwise, I am out for a while. I plan on trying to read some, making birthday invitations for the kiddos, attempting a peppermint wreath (a la the candy corn wreath on the front of Woman's Day this month)....See ya' later!

Laundry and Dishwasher Detergent Recipes

2010-09-08T22:00:00.006-04:00

Lots of folks have asked so here they are! Start saving money!

HOMEMADE LAUNDRY DETERGENT

1/2 cup Borax (I found it a Target and Publix...go the the website for a coupon)

1/2 cup Arm & Hammer Super Washing Soda

1 bar Fels Naptha Laundry Bar Soap (grated and processed in a food processor...I found it at Publix and Ace Hardware)

Put it in an air-tight container (like Tupperware or a Ziploc bag) and shake it to mix it up well. Use 1 tablespoon per load for a regular washing machine and 1/2 tablespoon for high-efficiency machines.

HOMEMADE DISHWASHER DETERGENT

1/2 cup Borax
1/2 cup Arm & Hammer Super Washing Soda
1/4 cup citric acid (It is a powder. You can buy the 4 ounce package here for $1.10)
1/4 cup kosher salt

Put it in an air-tight container and shake it well to mix it. Use 1 tablespoon per load in the dishwasher.
(Note: As with most natural dish washing detergents, dishes need to be rinsed so that all food particles are removed prior to washing in the dishwasher. A little extra effort for a lot of savings.)

Managing the Home Well

2010-08-23T18:29:00.006-04:00

Scripture calls all of us wives to manage our homes well (Prov. 31:27), and it is always great to get helpful tips from friends on practical ways to do just that. A friend of mine posted some tips of her own the other day, and I thought I would post some, too! So here goes...in random order...

(1) Use Cloth Diapers! Read my two previous posts.
(2) Make homemade laundry detergent.
(3) Use vinegar as fabric softener or (even cheaper) use a wool dryer ball.
(4) Make homemade dishwasher detergent.
(5) Use vinegar (again) as a rinse aid instead of a product like Jet-Dry.
(6) Figure out something you can make, sew, etc. and sell it on Etsy.
(7) Use coupons at the grocery store.
(8) Have a family budget.
(9) Use cash on stuff like eating out, groceries, and random expenses (thanks Dave Ramsey :)
(10)Make weekly meal plans. I grocery shop every week, so I make a meal plan each week. It keeps me from buying unnecessary items.
(11) Shop and sell at seasonal Children's Clothing Consignment Sales. Last year I bought the kids' winter wardrobes (almost everything still had tags on it) for less than $100 and made twice that in sales.

Please comment and share your tips, too!

Cloth Diapers: The Verdict

2010-08-18T11:10:00.002-04:00

First, note that I have two kids (8 months and 21 months). Second, we have your basic washer and dryer (nothing energy efficient about them) that we bought dirt cheap on craigslist.
So, here is the verdict on cloth: I LOVE CLOTH DIAPERS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Changing, washing, running errands during the day, making it through the night without leaking---all no big deal. They have been great, and I wish that I could get all the money back that we have wasted on disposables. Here are all the details...

This is what we bought to make the switch from disposables to cloth:
-one 12 pack of bumGenius one-size cloth diapers with snaps (so the two kids share 12 diapers)
-one mini sprayer that attaches to the toilet for spraying off dirty diapers
-one inexpensive bottle of Publix Free and Clear detergent
-one trash can with lid (sits right OUTSIDE the back door)
TOTAL AMOUNT SPENT: less than three months worth of disposable diapers!

Wearing:
The kids share 12 diapers. You may need more according to how often your child typically needs to be changed.
They are one-size (adjustable with snaps) and fit both kids great. I have heard that they are sometimes hard to fit on newborns.
You can also get them with velcro, but all the reviews say that the velcro wears out quickly from being washed so often. Velcro is also very easy for older babies to pull off.
Also, I have not had any trouble with the kids wearing them all night. They have not leaked once. With disposables, Adin regularly overflowed in the middle of the night.
When I change the kids, wet diapers go straight into the trash can (make sure you put a trash bag in the can) outside the back door. I put it out there to prevent stinking up the house, but so far we have had no stink. Dirty diapers are sprayed off with the mini toilet sprayer, then put in the can outside.

Washing:
I wash one load a day, usually after the kids go to bed (they wear 2, I wash 10). You have to use a detergent that is additive free so it doesn't affect the absorption of the diapers. I am using Publix brand free and clear which will cost $1 a month to use if I wash daily. Make sure you remove the inserts from the diapers to wash so that they come completely clean.
After washing I throw the inserts in the dryer and clothespin the diapers to hangers. The diapers dry overnight hanging on our shower curtain rod. You can buy all-in-ones (the insert is built in) but the reviews said that they take FOREVER to dry, which would not be very cost effective with our dryer.
In the mornings it takes three or four minutes to stuff the inserts back into the diapers. Voila! That's it!

Going Out:
I have not had any problems running errands during the day, etc. If they need a change while we are out, I tie the dirty diaper up in a plastic bag and put it in the can when we get home.
If we go anywhere overnight, I will use disposables. I will also use disposables for the church nursery.

I think that is it! They are great, and it feels great to be using our money a little more wisely! If you have any questions just comment!

Switching to Cloth Diapers

2010-08-07T11:39:00.002-04:00

That's right; we are converting to cloth. No, we are not trying to be trendy. We are just trying to "look well to the ways of our house" (Proverbs 31:28 ESV) by saving some money. According to our calculations, if both the kiddos are potty-trained around two and a half, then we should save roughly $1800 (considering cost of disposables and energy spent washing cloth diapers). Obviously if they take longer to potty train and if the LORD blesses us with more kids, then the savings will be even greater.
I did LOTS of research and settled on the bumGenius 4.0 cloth diaper with snaps. We ordered a twelve-pack in neutral colors. We also ordered a little sprayer that attaches to the toilet for use in spraying off the dirties.
So, what if we hate them? Well, we will tough it out for three months in order to recoup the money spent on them.
Honestly, I am slightly terrified, but hoping we love them. I will let you know how it turns out!
(Note: Beallwood Nursery Workers, don't worry! We will be sending them to church in disposables!)

Biblical Counseling, the Sufficiency of Scripture, and My Blog List

2010-07-09T20:45:00.010-04:00

I am writing this post to direct your attention to a new face on "My Blog List." The "Institute for Nouthetic Studies Blog" is the official blog on Nouthetic (aka Biblical) Counseling written by Jay Adams, who began the Biblical Counseling movement, and his associates. Biblical Counseling is based on the sufficiency of Scripture. Now, let me clarify: Biblical Counseling is NOT the counseling we know of today as "Christian Counseling" or "Christian Psychology." As someone with a degree in the psychology field from a Christian university, I can say wholeheartedly that "Christian Counseling/Psychology" is not the same as Biblical Counseling. To make a very long explanation short, Christian psychology tries to mix Scripture with secular and atheistic worldviews and theories of the person that have been created by people who deny Jesus Christ. In speaking of the fact that every word of Scripture is inspired by the Holy, infinitely wise God, Christopher Wright in his book Knowing the Holy Spirit Through the Old Testament says, “Therefore, the Bible should not be something we think about, but something that we think with.”* Scripture should form our worldview, not be made to fit a worldview that we have chosen out of numerous secular theories. In fact the apostle Paul spoke of this in one of his letters to Timothy. He says in 2 Timothy 3:16-17, “All Scripture is breathed out by God and profitable for teaching, for reproof, for correction, and for training in righteousness, that the man of God may be competent, equipped for every good work.” Paul makes clear that Scripture is completely sufficient for equipping us for good work, which is why we are created anew in Christ (Eph. 2:20). We are created for good work, and God has given us his Word to equip us. We are equipped by being taught, being reproved, being corrected, and being trained in HIS WORD. We do not need to look to atheistic and secular worldviews for equipping for good work and certainly not for being refined into a righteous person. We need what God has graciously provided for us, His Word. And that word is sufficient to do what God promised it would do.
Just another monkey wrench to throw at you--The Southern Baptist Theological Seminary supports Biblical Counseling exclusively and no longer has a counseling program that trains people to become state licensed counselors because it simply could not reconcile that with Scripture. Dr. Russell Moore wrote a short (24 pages) booklet titled Counseling and the Authority of Christ: A New Vision for Biblical Counseling at The Southern Baptist Theological Seminary outlining this move. You can read it for free here.
So, I say all that to say this: Take note of the new blog on the Blog List. Let me leave you with a quote from Dietrich Bonhoeffer (originally published 1938), which reminds us that this whole concept of sufficiency of Scripture is not a new thing:
"The most experienced psychologist or observer of human nature knows infinitely less of the human heart than the simplest Christian who lives beneath the Cross of Jesus. The greatest psychological insight, ability, and experience cannot grasp this one thing: what sin is. Worldly wisdom knows what distress and weakness and failure are, but it does not know the godlessness of man. And so it also does not know that man is destroyed only by his sin and can be healed only by forgiveness. Only the Christian knows this. In the presence of a psychiatrist I can only be a sick man; in the presence of a Christian brother I can dare to be a sinner. The psychiatrist must first search my heart and yet he never plumbs its ultimate depth. The Christian brother knows when I come to him: here is a sinner like myself, a godless man who wants to confess and yearns for God’s forgiveness. The psychiatrist views me as if there were no God. The brother views me as I am before the judging and merciful God in the Cross of Jesus Christ." *

* Christopher J.H. Wright, Knowing the Holy Spirit Through the Old Testament, (Downers Grove, IL: InterVarsity Press, 2006), 80.

* Dietrich Bonhoeffer, "Confession and Communion," in Life Together (New York: Harper & Row, 1954), 118-119.

How to: Water Bath Canning

2010-06-30T13:53:00.007-04:00

Recently I had my first experience with canning. Canning is preserving food in jars (I am still a little confused a why it is called canning if it goes in jars??). It is great way to save a little money on your grocery bill, especially if you actually grow the food that you can (I bought mine). Anyway, I successfully canned several jars of spaghetti sauce yesterday, and after a taste test I have decided that I will never buy Ragu again. I often lick the bowl of brownie batter, but I can say with certainty that this was the first time I have ever licked the spaghetti sauce pot.
Soooo, per the request of my dear friend Rebekah here is how to can:

You will need:
(1)jars for canning (I used Ball Mason jars from Walmart)
(2)a water bath canner (like this one on amazon.com)
(3)a recipe specifically for canning (this is mine)

Here's how it works (I am getting all my info from the last issue of Better Homes and Gardens):
(1)Use your recipe to prepare whatever it is that you are going to can.
(2)Using your water bath canner, submerge your jars (not the lids) in barely simmering water for 30 minutes.
(3) Fill your jars according to your recipe's instructions while the jars are hot. Make sure to leave the proper amount of space at the top of the jar; your recipe will specify.
(4)Drop the lids (the flat disc part only) in the simmering water for 3-4 minutes. Make sure you wipe the top and threads of the jar clean with a wet rag, then put the lids on (both pieces).
(5)Using the rack in the water bath canner, submerge the filled jars. Make sure there is two inches of water covering the tops of the jars. Boil for 30 minutes.
(6) Remove carefully. You will hear each jar POP! within a few minutes. That means it is vacuum sealed and your canning was successful.
(7) Let them cool overnight. Store in the cabinet or pantry for up to a year.

The Faithful Parent: A Biblical Guide to Raising a Family

2010-06-26T07:54:00.003-04:00

I just finished reading The Faithful Parent: A Biblical Guide to Raising a Family by Stuart Scott and Martha Peace. I highly recommend this book! It is singular in its purpose: to point us directly to the Word of God and no where else for parenting guidance. This is not a book of advice based on the authors' own (fallible) Christian parenting experiences. Where they discuss personal experiences, it is as a practical example of how to directly apply the truth of God's Word to a situation. This is not a book full of Scripture used out of context, enabling a parenting style that is antithetical to God's Word to be labeled as "Christian." Where Scripture is used, it is in context and, consequently, congruent with the whole counsel of God's Word. Ultimately, this book promotes the two things that I believe Scripture says are to be central to our lives as believers: the gospel and the sufficiency of Scripture. This book says that our children need the gospel because they are lost, and Scripture is TOTALLY SUFFICIENT to "make [them] wise unto salvation" (2 Tim 3:15) and to guide us in our two responsibilities and parents, to raise our children in the discipline of the Lord and to raise our children in the instruction of the Lord (Ephesians 6:4 ESV). Psalm 138:2 says of the Lord, "you have exalted above all things your name and your word." Dr. Scott and Mrs. Peace have done an excellent job of that in this book.

Just for Kids: Seeds Family Worship Music

2010-06-15T16:51:00.003-04:00

Every so often I come across a really great tool for raising my kids "in the discipline and instruction of the Lord" (Ephesians 6:4 ESV)--a children's book, a cd, an advent calendar for the holidays, etc. So, I thought the other day, "I really should share these great finds!" And that is precisely what I am going to do. When I come across something really awesome you will see it posted as "Just for Kids: (name of amazingly cool thing)," just like above.
So, here's the first great tool just for kids: Seeds Family Worship Music. Currently, Seeds Family Worship has five different cd's of kids worship music available here. The cool part? The lyrics of each song are a verse of Scripture AND each album has Scripture songs all with a common theme like courage or faith! There could not possibly be an easier way to get some Scripture hidden in your kids' hearts! Another cool thing is that when you buy a cd, you get another one to give to a friend. I know, you could just have one for each car, BUT what a great way to open the door to sharing the gospel with an unbelieving family you know.

Miss Alabama 2010 on Modesty

2010-06-14T13:56:00.008-04:00

Saturday night Ashley Davis of Dothan was crowned Miss Alabama 2010. She will go on to represent the state of Alabama in Miss America. Lindsey Shelton of The Birmingham News was reporting on the pageant throughout the weekend online. In her article Saturday night announcing Ashley Davis as the winner, Shelton posted her email address for readers to send in questions to be asked during the official interview with the new Miss Alabama. So, I sent one in.

Here is my question:
"Should the virtue of modesty in dress have a role in the Miss Alabama and, more broadly, the Miss America Organization?"

Here is Ms. Davis' response:
"I think it's not about the dress you wear, but how you wear it, in terms of modesty or how much skin you're showing," she said. "If you wear that dress in a classy and tasteful way, in a way that's indicative of the values of this organization, then I think you can serve in a modest, but relevant way. Modesty is in the eye of the beholder. It's about the way you wear it, not what you wear."

When I read the response, I could not help but be disheartened. It is unfortunate that young girls today are being led by a culture that embraces and promotes such relativism. Christian girls need to be taught from birth, for the sake of the gospel and "that the Word of God may not be reviled" (Titus 2:5), that Scripture does not teach relativism; no, Scripture teaches righteousness. "You shall be holy, for I am holy" (1 Peter 1:16 & Leviticus 11:44 ESV). There is right and wrong and it is measured by God's standard of holiness which He has given to us in His Word.
The world says "Modesty is in the eye of the beholder." Scripture says "women should adorn themselves in respectable apparel, with modesty and self-control, not with braided hair and gold or pearls or costly attire, but with what is proper for women who profess godliness—with good works" (1 Timothy 2:9-10 ESV).

Here is a short excerpt from the GirlTalk blog that sums it all up well:
"In 1 Timothy 2:9, Paul insists that the women “adorn themselves with respectable apparel” and not with gold, pearls or braids. Yesterday, we learned that he was not forbidding stylish clothing or banning jewelry. So what was Paul getting at?[...] What he is condemning is not attractive attire, but the association with worldly and ungodly values. Women who profess godliness, he says, should not dress in such a way that resembles those who are extravagant, or worse, intent on being seductive or sexy. Simply put, we are not to identify with our sinful, worldly culture through our dress."

Audio from CJ Mahaney and David Powlison

2010-05-25T07:10:00.004-04:00

Here are links to three audio snippets (all around five minutes). In them CJ Mahaney of Sovereign Grace Ministries asks David Powlison (Biblical Counselor and editor of The Journal of Bibilical Counseling) to briefly elaborate on four quotes (each listed with their respective audio) from some of his publications. While the immediate context of the conversation is pastoral counseling, there is much truth to be gleaned from Powlison's words and applied to our personal lives, marriages, and parenting. Take a few moments and listen:

Audio 1- Good Advice v. Good News

Don’t ever degenerate into giving advice unconnected to the good news of Jesus crucified, alive, present, at work, and returning.

—Seeing with New Eyes (P&R, 2003), p. 43.

Audio 2- Cravings and Conflict

I have yet to meet a couple locked in hostility (and the accompanying fear, self-pity, hurt, self-righteousness) who really understood and reckoned with their motives. James 4:1–3 teaches that cravings underlie conflicts. Why do you fight? It’s not “because of my wife/husband…”—it’s because of something aboutyou. Couples who see what rules them—cravings for affection, attention, power, vindication, control, comfort, a hassle-free life—can repent and find God’s grace made real to them, and then learn how to make peace.

—Seeing with New Eyes (P&R, 2003), p. 151.

Audio 3- What is Real v. What I Feel

A biblical understanding of “feelings” lets us look behind the often deceptive language of daily life.

—Seeing with New Eyes (P&R, 2003), p. 43.

Modesty Heart Check

2010-05-11T18:33:00.002-04:00

As I have continued to seek biblical wisdom on modesty, I came across and excellent resource on the GirlTalk blog. It's called the "Modesty Heart Check." Click here to test your closet and your heart.

An Exception to the Rule

2010-04-29T14:44:00.002-04:00

Lately, I have been thinking a lot on the biblical virtue of modesty. One conversation in particular spurred my thinking. I recently ran into a friend in Target. We were both talking about how we could not find a dress appropriate for church on Resurrection Sunday. It is not that everything was super low-cut, short, or tight. We both said that it was all clothing that we would have worn in the past--in high school or college--but that was not appropriate now that we are adults/mothers/wives of ministers/etc.This conversation led me to realize that I have been living as if there are exceptions to the biblical command for women to dress modestly. And "making an exception" is just another way of saying "disobeying." Paul writes to Timothy that "women should adorn themselves in respectable apparel, with modesty and self-control, not with braided hair and gold or pearls or costly attire, but with what is proper for women who profess godliness—with good works (2 Tim 2:9-10)."

Scripture does not tell us to "dress modestly at church," to "dress modestly after you get married and have kids," to "dress modestly if you are a minister's wife," or to "dress modestly except when you are on a date" (even with your husband). We are to dress ourselves with modesty at ALL times, and we are to teach our daughters to do the same.

This is the point where we start making excuses...thinking things like "well, what really counts as modest?...I mean, the Bible doesn't specifically say 'no spaghetti straps....'"

Well, unfortunately I cannot offer you a "modesty litmus test." To be honest, I am still praying about what "no exceptions" obedience to God's command for modesty should look like in my life--what are the implications? And that is what I will suggest to you: pray. Pray that God will give us wisdom to "adorn the doctrine of God our Savior (Titus 2:10 ESV)" by the way that we adorn ourselves...even if that means some radical changes.

Doctor's Orders

2010-04-12T07:29:00.010-04:00

Previously, I wrote about the disappointing advice on temper tantrums found in a popular Christian parenting publication. I want to point out a fallacy about tantrums that is common in parenting literature today--that "normal" behavior in children should not be punished. This quote comes from the FAQ portion of the website of a popular family of pediatricians. It is in response to a mother's question on how to deal with her toddler's tantrums:

"One important thing to understand about tantrums is that they are normal behavior, and should therefore not be punished. Toddlers are supposed to have tantrums. Your goal at this age should not be to stop your child's tantrums [...] you are neither responsible for his tantrums nor for stopping them."

Now, they did get one thing right: tantrums are normal behavior. Tantrums are normal behavior because tantrums are sin. Sin is normal behavior because of our sinful nature. Paul writes in Ephesians that all members of mankind are "by nature children of wrath" prior to salvation through Jesus Christ (Eph 2:3).

These doctors advise us that tantrums should not be punished since they are normal...that seems like poor and unscriptural logic to me. Imagine if we never punished our child for something that was normal. We would never punish anything! However, as we saw in the previous post, Scripture does not show us a God who ignores sin. We saw that Paul wrote in Hebrews, "he disciplines us for our good, that we may share in his holiness (Heb 12:10)."

This advice also suggests that another reason for ignoring the tantrums is because our children are young--"Your goal at this age [emphasis mine] should not be to stop your child's tantrums." Again, the concept of ignoring sin is simply not found in Scripture--not for children and not for adults. Now, there are certainly different ways of dealing with sin at different ages, but it must always be dealt with and be done so in a biblical manner.

Finally, this doctor advises the mother that she is not responsible for stopping her child's tantrums. Who, then, if not the parent, is responsible for stopping them? This advice contradicts the Scriptural mandate for parents to raise their children in the "discipline and instruction of the Lord (Eph 6:4)." Instead of ignoring tantrums Scripture calls parents to discipline the child in line with Scripture and teach them the correct way to respond to their circumstances. "All Scripture is breathed out by God and profitable for teaching, for reproof, for correction, and for training in righteousness, that the man of God may be competent, equipped for every good work" (2 Timothy 3:16-17).

A Surprising Source

2010-04-11T22:32:00.003-04:00

A mom of a toddler wrote to a magazine asking for advice on how to deal with her child's disobedience and tantrums. Her question was answered by Linda Mintle, PhD. Dr. Mintle encouraged the mother to praise her child's positive behavior, which is a good thing, but then she continued with this advice:

"Learn to ignore negative behavior like tantrums. Eventually, if you ignore it, the negative behavior will go away."

Now, this advice would not be a shocker at all if it were found in almost any secular parenting magazine. Unfortunately, it came from a Christian parenting magazine that is available in the foyer of many of our churches. And even more unfortunate is that it is this type of information and advice that is consistently printed in this publication and in other family related literature by this Christian publisher. Truly, you are hard-pressed to find anything other than this being printed by any publisher nowadays, Christian or not. So, what type of information and advice do I mean? I mean information and advice that is contrary to the teaching of Scripture and/or the character of God as revealed in Scripture. This article is a clear example of how the church and Christian entities like this publisher have become infiltrated by the culture of the world and forgotten the sufficiency of Scripture. My pastor said today that if what someone has to say is contrary to the Word of God, then all the PhD's behind their name only stand to further demonstrate their ignorance.

In this instance, it is entirely contrary to Scripture and to God's nature to ignore "negative behavior"--Scripture calls it disobedience or sin. Yes, our cute little toddlers are little sinners, and it is our God-given job as parents to teach them about the God of the Bible and their need for a Savior. The God of the Bible is a loving God, but He is also a Holy and Just God who will by no means pardon the guilty (Nahum 1:3). Our Holy God, can by no means ignore sin. Rather, Scripture tells us that "the Lord disciplines the one he loves, and chastises every son whom he receives (Heb 12:6)." And again Paul writes in Hebrews that "he disciplines us for our good, that we may share in his holiness (Heb 12:10)." The writer of Proverbs tells us that"Folly is bound up in the heart of a child, but the rod of discipline drives it far from him (Prov 22:15)." And again he writes, "Whoever spares the rod hates his son, but he who loves him is diligent to discipline him (Prov 13:24)."

... Turn to almost any page in Scripture and you will discover something of who God is and of how he deals with sin. Ignoring it and waiting for it to go away or for your child to "grow out of it" is not found anywhere in there. Here is what Scripture says happens when we leave sin alone: "But each person is tempted when he is lured and enticed by his own desire. Then desire when it has conceived gives birth to sin, and sin when it is fully grown brings forth death (James 1:14-15)."

May we esteem God's Word over and above all else.

The Proof is in the Pudding

2010-04-05T20:54:00.007-04:00

Inerrant. Infallible. Sufficient? I am sure that as believers we would all say that Scripture is sufficient. Paul writes in 2 Timothy 3:16, "All Scripture is breathed out by God and profitable for teaching, for reproof, for correction, and for training in righteousness."But what does our life say? As my pastor said last night, "The proof is in the pudding." And, frankly, so much about the Christian culture points away from the sufficiency of Scripture, especially in the realm of marriage and parenting. Often our lives (especially us wives and mommies) send a message more like this: "When it comes to the issues of my marriage and my family, I need someone with a degree in psychology or maybe someone with MD after their name. I mean, they have years of experience and education to back up what they say...and the biography on the back of their book says they are Christians, so I am sure that everything they say in the book lines up with Scripture completely."

As we seek truth, wisdom, and, yes, even practical instruction for our marriages and families may we be reminded that "I AM" comes before any "MD." When we are persuaded by years of experience may we be reminded of God's words to Job, "Where were you when I laid the foundations of the earth? Tell me if you understand (Job 38:4 ESV)." When we are drawn in by the fact that an author is said to be a Christian, or by the word Christian in a book title, or by the fact that a book is sold at Lifeway may we not assume that it is scripturally sound. Rather, may we read everything with a critical mind, holding all things up to the truth of Scripture. More importantly, may we thoroughly search the Word first; may the Word of Christ dwell in us richly so that we can teach and admonish one another with all wisdom (Colossians 3:16) and so that when we read something that is contrary to Scripture red flags immediately start popping up in our mind. Remember that Scripture calls Satan the Deceiver--his lies are subtle (though the results of believing them are often catastrophic), easily mistaken for the truth.
Ultimately, the Word of God needs no supplement. While there is much good counsel and wisdom to be found in the writings of many Christian men and women, may we understand that, when it really boils down to it, nothing is necessary but the Word of God.

Making a Profit at Christmas

2009-11-22T20:04:00.003-05:00

The closer we get to the official Christmas season (the day after Thanksgiving at my house), the more I am thinking about my responsibility from their very first holiday season to make Christmas about Christ in my own heart and in the hearts and minds of my children. As I have been thinking about how to do this, these words from the gospel have been echoing in my mind:
"For what does it profit a man to gain the whole world and forfeit his soul?"
I think we would do well to meditate on these words found in the gospels of Matthew, Mark, and Luke as we examine what our actions and traditions during the holiday season are planting in the hearts of our children and, indeed, in our own. We may have a beautifully decorated tree, every gift on our child's list, and a grand Christmas dinner--but what profit is that if our son or daughter should forfeit their soul?
May our homes be filled with all the wonderful sights and smells of the season, but above all may our homes and hearts be filled with the sound of God's word and the gospel of Christ who left his seat at the right hand of the Father to come to earth fully God and fully man in order to be the propitiation--the wrath bearer--for me, a sinner.

Christmas Children's Books

2009-11-12T07:26:00.003-05:00

Much to Elijah's displeasure (he wanted to get down and play...or eat the books on the bottom shelf), he and I spent yesterday afternoon in the children's aisle of two different Christian book stores looking at all the Christmas books. We left from both stores empty-handed and quite disappointed. There were many books that told the Christmas narrative pretty much straight from Scripture--who was there and what happened. That is great, and I like those books--we have three or four. BUT when you remove those books all that remains are books (often using the Christmas narrative) intended to teach the importance of giving...the "spirit" of Christmas (being nice to people during the holidays)...thinking of others, etc., etc.

Now all of these things are important for a child. Here is the problem I had: We try very hard to teach our children that Christmas is about the birth of Christ rather than about presents and all the other exciting things that are associated with the season. But there was not a single book to explain why a child should care about God becoming a baby on earth. The kids know about Joseph and Mary, the shepherds and wise men, the star, and that a king was born who was God with us. But that is where the books stop. Why should the child care? And why should they care more about that than all the other holiday fun stuff? WHERE IS THE GOSPEL IN THESE BOOKS?! Where is the part that tells why Jesus had to come to earth as a human? That is the Christmas story.

If anyone knows of a good children's Christmas book, please let me know!

A beautiful tribute to his wife...

2009-11-05T13:36:00.003-05:00

Today Dr. Russell Moore wrote the most beautiful blog about his wife on her birthday. I only pray that I will grow in the knowledge and grace of our Lord that words like these might one day be spoken of me to His glory. I particularly love what he wrote about her during their dating relationship. How different this is from almost all girls today (and from me during my dating period which began at age 16). I pray that my Adin will be along these lines one day--not for the sake of being proper or old-fashioned, but for the sake of obedience to God and giving glory to His name:
Maria didn’t seem to pursue me back, and that bothered me. Even though she knew from my cousins what was going on in their deliberations, she didn’t call. She didn’t drop hints. She didn’t flirt. She didn’t loudly fight for attention. She didn’t seem like she was anxiously waiting for me to pursue her.
Click here to read the blog in its entirety.

"more powerful--but less happy."

2009-10-26T14:16:00.002-04:00

(check out the subtitle under The State of the American Woman)
Dr. Albert Mohler wrote an interesting blog last week. Here is a snippet:

" 'The woman's movement wasn't about happiness.' That judgment, attributed to feminist Susan Faludi, seems to be the blunt assessment shared by many other women. As numerous recent studies now indicate, a remarkably large percentage of women describe themselves as increasingly unhappy.... Instead of producing a vast expansion of happiness among women, the feminist movement must now answer for the fact that women, by their own evaluation, appear to be less happy than before the revolution. The reason for this is probably quite simple. Women are in the best position to evaluate, not only what feminism has gained, but what it has lost. Maybe Susan Faludi is right -- The women's movement wasn't about happiness."

It seems that in spite of the so-called gains of the feminist movement--freedom from the bondage of marriage, childbearing, and the home to name a few--women are by-and-large significantly less happy and fulfilled than their pre-revolution counterparts. What a sad conclusion to a movement that changed almost everything about the American mindset. Think about it--what little girl when asked "What do you want to be when you grow up?" by her kindergarten teacher would even think to say anything close to "a wife" or "a mommy"? You are much more likely to hear something along the lines of "president" or "a doctor". The biblical concept of womanhood and its priorities for a woman's life are long gone in the American mind. And let's not be fooled--the probability of a girl saying that she wants to be a mommy one day is as unlikely to be heard at a Christian school as at your local public school.
So what does this mean? This means that the world's efforts to prove that God and His word are a lie have once again served to support the fact that God's word and his design are not only applicable today, but are best and most fulfilling. We are creatures created in God's image with an innate design and purpose that is, in fact, interwoven into our God-given sex. When we submit our hearts to Christ and walk in obedience to his design we find more satisfaction than anything that the wisdom of this world could ever conjure up.

Trick or Treat (...or not?)

2009-10-12T10:56:00.003-04:00

It's that time of year again, and Christians are again posed with the question of what to do or not do about Halloween. Should my child be allowed to dress up on dress up day at school? as what? How do I explain Halloween to my child?...and so on.
Well, I am certainly not here to tell you that I have a definitive biblical answer. I do want to share a good word on the subject from Dr. Albert Mohler, president of the Southern Baptist Theological Seminary. He writes in an article on the significance of Halloween:

"Christian parents should make careful decisions based on a biblically-informed Christian conscience. Some Halloween practices are clearly out of bounds, others may be strategically transformed, but this takes hard work and may meet with mixed success.

The coming of Halloween is a good time for Christians to remember that evil spirits are real and that the Devil will seize every opportunity to trumpet his own celebrity."

Also, the ladies of the Girl Talk blog share their creative take on the holiday here.

Discipline for Mommy

2009-10-11T12:54:00.004-04:00

"[...] train yourself for godliness." -1 Timothy 4:7 ESV

Life seems busy lately--busier than usual, I should say. And it seems that as I look ahead on the calendar it only gets busier. There are a lot of things that must be done, bought, planned, etc. and it is easy to allow all of these colored tabs on my calendar to crowd out the most important things. We mommies tend to be task-oriented. We feel that we must always be going, doing, checking something off of our list. Being still before God--being still at all--doesn't always seem like a very productive thing to do. But as we think back to Jesus' time with Mary and Martha, we remember that Jesus said that it was Mary who chose "the good part," sitting at His feet.
Growing in godliness does not just happen to us as believers. No, as Paul writes to Timothy, we must train or discipline ourselves for godliness. We must actively and diligently pursue it in the word, prayer, and the various other spiritual disciplines. This is pleasing to God and, with regards to our task as wives and moms, nothing could be more beneficial to our families than our steadfast and disciplined pursuit of the Lord.
I confess my own shortcomings in this and want to repent and commit, as I hope you will, to put off the pursuit of things of the flesh and put on daily diligent pursuit of God.

How Many Kids and Counting?

2009-10-05T15:47:00.004-04:00

Recently, I have been catching bits and pieces of episodes of 18 Kids and Counting on TLC. I have never really watched the show, but each time I see it, I like it more and more. It's a far cry from Jon and Kate. I am not sure of the Duggar family's religious affiliation. I know that they thanked God for salvation through Jesus when they prayed before dinner in a recent re-run. By all accounts the way they live their lives and the answers they give to the questions posed by the unknown TLC man behind the camera give evidence of a commitment to the One True God and His word.
Today, I watched the first half of a re-run where the boys and girls swapped chores for the day to learn what the others did and how to do it should they ever need to. The boys did laundry, made lunch, cleaned bathrooms, etc. The girls learned to change the oil in the car, do outside maintenance, etc.
The man behind the camera posed two questions to Mrs. Duggar that caused me to wait for her answer with anxious anticipation. And her answers did not fall short!
He first asked, "Do you think that you are reinforcing gender stereotypes with the usual chores that you have assigned to the boys and girls?"
Mrs. Duggar replied that she thinks that our gender differences are innate and that they are good things--not making men and women unequal, just different.
He then asked, "Don't you think you are setting your girls up to be nothing but housewives when they get older?" (This question made me a bit incensed to say the least.)
She responded that her girls would be fully prepared to carry out the duties of being a wife and mother and managing a household (which, she added, is what they want to do). She noted however, that since she and her husband married 25 years ago she has been she has been prepared and able to handle jobs outside her home for periods of time when it was necessary. Her girls, would be well-prepared as well and would be prepared to do even their husband's duties in the future should their husband's be unable for some reason.
I am sure that much of America thinks the Duggars are crazy, and that everything about the way they run their family is backward and archaic. But I think that (from what I have seen so far) they are making a pretty good case for a family by God's design. I admire them for raising their children to understand and embrace their scriptural roles, and for making it clear that the role of the homemaker is not one of a woman who is unable to do anything but stay at home. Rather, the homemaker is a capable and skilled manager who uses her abilities for the good of her family in obedience to God.

Literal? Cultural? Neither?

2009-09-28T16:33:00.006-04:00

In Scripture there are many passages that can easily incite a debate over how they are to be interpreted by Christians now. Many of these passages pertain to women. So, when James told me about his New Testament lecture the other night (his professor is Dr. Shriner at SBTS--one of the leading and most respected New Testament scholars) I thought it would be great to pass along.
First, what sort of passages am I talking about? Well, passages that talk about women not teaching men, women remaining silent in church, women wearing head coverings, women not wearing gold or pearls, etc. How do we know when to interpret these things literally and when it is to be interpreted differently because of cultural differences between now and when it was authored?
Well, Dr. Shriner gave an excellent explanation:
When trying to determine how to interpret a controversial passage consider the principle and how that principle was expressed then and now--sometimes it will be expressed the same and sometimes it won't. He talked about head coverings for women as an example. The principle here is the wife's submission to her husband. Then a woman's head covering would have been a sign of her proper relationship to her husband. A woman with an uncovered head back then was either a prostitute or was demonstrating a lack of respect for her husband, therefore disobeying God's commands to wives. Now, the principle is still true and to be followed, but it is expressed differently. Women don't wear head coverings now, and if a woman does wear a hat/scarf/etc. on her head it is not a statement about her submission to her husband.
So what would be an example of disobeying this principle in our culture. Dr. Shriner gives the example of the popular trend during the beginning of the feminist movement in the 60s and 70s for wives to make a statement by not taking their husbands last name in marriage. Indeed, this is still done frequently today for the same reason.
So, when you come to a tricky passage determine the underlying principle, how it was expressed then, and how it is expressed now. Sometimes cultural differences will not affect the expression of the principle and sometimes they will.

Girl Talk and Big Truths for Young Hearts

2009-09-24T21:47:00.006-04:00

First, a very important announcement: We have a new addition to our household--a dishwasher. Praise the Lord! Anyway...
I finished reading Girl Talk: Mother-Daughter Conversations on Biblical Womanhood about a week ago, and am now reading the book pictured to the right.
Girl Talk was an amazing book, which was no surprise based on the daily blogs written by Carolyn Mahaney and her daughters as well as Carolyn's book Feminine Appeal.
Many of my posts over the past few weeks on topics related to biblical womanhood were prompted by my reading. Girl Talk speaks to mothers and daughters from the firm foundation of God's word. It explains all of the whats? and whys? of biblical womanhood; it answers all your questions--both spiritual and practical. It explains through Scripture how biblical womanhood is not just something for those married with children, but rather for all women of any age and situation. It is an excellent resource for any mother with a daughter and a worthwhile read for any woman, period.
The new book I am reading is by Dr. Bruce Ware of The Southern Baptist Theological Seminary. Incidentally, he is also James' systematic theology professor. It is difficult to think of an academic sort like Dr. Ware relating to children. But that is exactly what this book is about. He wrote it at the prompting of his (now grown) daughters. The book basically outlines his nightly bedtime discussions with them beginning at age two. It is essentially a handbook for parents teaching their kids about God--Systematic Theology for kids, if you will. Loving it so far! More on Dr. Ware's book later...

My Favorite Season

2009-09-22T14:11:00.003-04:00

It's finally here--my favorite season, fall! Fall brings cooler weather, changing leaves, college football, Thanksgiving, pumpkin scones at Starbucks, apple pie, apple cider, and a wagon-load of other wonderful things!
Today is the first official day of this wonderful season, and I am reminded of our time living in Ohio. In Ohio each of the four seasons was very distinct. The weather and the surroundings changed dramatically from beautiful greens and pinks, to fiery red and orange, and eventually to the purest white you've ever seen. Even though different things came with each new season, each season brought with it its own beauty and blessings.
Seasons come and go in our lives often, especially for us moms whose little ones seem to be growing up so fast right before our eyes. There are seasons of little sleep and lots of snuggling, more sleep and lots of bumps and bruises, backpacks and quiet houses, and on and on as our children grow. May we remember, though, that we have a God who is the same, yesterday, today, and forever. And when the uncertainties of changing life seasons come along may we embrace the change and trust that the Lord's plan for us is good and perfect.

Perfect Peace

2009-09-21T14:44:00.002-04:00

"You keep him in perfect peace whose mind is stayed on you, because he trusts in you." -Isaiah 26:3 ESV

"For those who live according to the flesh set their minds on the things of the flesh, but those who live according to the Spirit set their minds on the things of the Spirit. For to set the mind on the flesh is death, but to set the mind on the Spirit is life and peace." -Romans 8:5-6 ESV

It is my goal to memorize these two verses this week. As wives and moms (or just as sinful humans) we are so prone to become captivated by the worries and things of this world, and for our focus to be diverted from Christ to everything else that seems to so desperately need our immediate attention. But as Paul writes the Corinthians, we must "take every though captive to obey Christ (2 Cor 10:5 ESV)." This must absolutely be a conscious effort every moment of every day. Whether we have become captive to a family crisis, apathy, worrying about getting a slew of home improvements finished (as is the case in my house), or to the worries of preparing for the arrival of a new baby may we repent today and may our minds be "stayed on Christ." In Him alone is perfect peace.

When is a Good Time to Have Kids?

2009-09-17T11:24:00.005-04:00

Here is a link to an excellent post on the Start Your Family blog. I think that many young married couples can probably relate to the story told by the couple in the post. It was an encouragement to read of a couple committed to following God's word above all of the other voices of influence in their lives. I hope that it is an encouragement and challenge to you, as well.

Adoption and Christian Singles

2009-09-17T10:02:00.011-04:00

I want to comment on an article entitled "Adoption: Single Christians Need Not Apply" written on the Christianity Today women's blog.
The title of the article, though blunt, is correct. God's design for the family is a mother and father. God's command to be fruitful and multiply (Gen 9:1) (be it by natural birth or adoption) is given for the husband and wife. This command is intended to be carried out within the covenant bond of marriage in accord with God's scriptural design for the family.
No where in Scripture does God command the unmarried to be fruitful and multiply. Many of those who commented on this article referred to James 1:27 as their argument. This verse states, "Religion that is pure and undefiled before God, the Father, is this: to visit orphans and widows in their affliction, and to keep oneself unstained from the world." To use this verse as an example of a scriptural mandate for unmarried individuals to adopt is very obviously a case of reading into Scripture that which you want it to say; it is poor hermeneutic. In addition, to suggest that the singular way to carry out the Bible's commands to help, give justice to, and otherwise care for orphans is to adopt is also quite obviously incorrect. There are numerous avenues for orphan care--adoption being only one of them--and numerous examples of great (unmarried) men and women of faith who dedicated their lives to orphan care without ever adopting.
The point is brought up repeatedly that it is better for an orphan to be adopted by an unmarried Christian than to remain in an orphanage. First, this logic could be used to rationalize any number of unbiblical things. Second, as Christians, Scripture is our standard for what is right and wrong--not what feels or seems good. The writer of Proverbs tells us that there is a way that seems right to a man but in the end it leads to death (Prov 14:12 & 16:25). This is the job of Satan the Deceiver, to entice us into sin by dressing it up to make it seem good and right when it, in fact, is in opposition to God's word.
The author of the article cites advice to singles in Dr. Russell Moore's recent book, which says: "if you are single, pray for a marriage before you seek children."
To which she replies, "Well, of course. But what if God does not answer someone's prayers for marriage?"
If God "does not answer" your prayers for marriage, then you continue to walk in obedience to His word and trust that the Lord has a purpose and a plan for your life that is perfect (Psa 138:8, Psa 139:16, Eph 2:10 ESV, and many more). Be content, whatever your circumstances (Phil 4, 1 Tim 6:6 ESV). Trust in His word which says:
"Trust in the LORD with all your heart, and do not lean on your own understanding. In all your ways acknowledge him, and he will make straight your paths (Prov 3:5-6 ESV, emphasis mine)."
and again
"Rejoice always, pray without ceasing, give thanks in all circumstances; for this is the will of God in Christ Jesus for you (1 Thes 5:16-18 ESV, emphasis mine)."
and again
"You keep him in perfect peace whose mind is stayed on you, because he trusts in you.[...] In the path of your judgments, O Lord, we wait for you; your name and remembrance are the desire of our soul (Isa 26:3 & 8 ESV)."
The author concludes: "When I see Christian adoption activists ignore singles, I conclude, sadly, that despite their rhetoric, they are not fully committed to doing what it takes to make sure every child gets a home."
As Christians, our ultimate goal in anything is to glorify God and spread the gospel of Jesus, and this is done by being obedient to His word. This should be the ultimate goal to which Christian adoption activists are "fully committed." Of course, it would be a wonderful thing for every orphan to have a Christian home, but it is only glorifying to God within the standard of His word. Unfortunately, in this life every orphan will not have a home and a family. This is part of living in a fallen world where the presence of sin has produced suffering, even for the helpless. But that is the beauty of the gospel. What good news we have to share with those who are perishing in this fallen world!:
"For we ourselves were once foolish, disobedient, led astray, slaves to various passions and pleasures, passing our days in malice and envy, hated by others and hating one another. But when the goodness and loving kindness of God our Savior appeared, he saved us, not because of works done by us in righteousness, but according to his own mercy, by the washing of regeneration and renewal of the Holy Spirit, whom he poured out on us richly through Jesus Christ our Savior, so that being justified by his grace we might become heirs according to the hope of eternal life. (Titus 3:3-7 ESV)."
Praise the Lord that because of the mercy of God we can be saved from the bondage of sin, regenerated and justified by Jesus Christ, and given hope! This depraved world is not all there is! No! In Christ, we are given the hope of eternal life. Praise God!

Christians and Deliberate Childlessness

2009-09-15T13:44:00.004-04:00

Today, I just want to post this link to an article by Dr. Albert Mohler, president of The Southern Baptist Theological Seminary, regarding the issue of Christians who are able to have children choosing not to do so. It is a little long and, as Dr. Mohler is an extremely intelligent and well-spoken man, it can be a little academic sounding. Nonetheless, he (as usual) discusses the issue better, more thoroughly, and more concisely than anyone else I know of.

Married With Children

2009-09-13T15:41:00.003-04:00

No, not the 80s sitcom. Here's the question: What does biblical womanhood look like for someone who is single? for your fourteen-year-old daughter? In other words, for everyone who is not married with children, how do the commands of apply to your life? When I first began to learn about the topic, this question crossed my mind more than once--mainly because I was the first of my college friends to get married. Jeff Purswell offers this definition (dean of Sovereign Grace Ministries Pastors College) of biblical femininity:
"Biblical femininity suggests an inner disposition that is supportive, responsive, and nurturing in its various roles, responsibilities, and relationships."
As women, we were born feminine and our roles apply to us now, regardless of our life situation or age. Carolyn Mahaney writes, "Although femininity may look a little different for a teenage girl or a single woman than for a married woman, we are called to fully express our helper design, no matter what our age or marital status is." Okay, so how do we do that?
Let's take a minute and look at Jeff Purswell's definition a little more closely. The first characteristic he gives is supportive, which he expounds on later as "an inclination toward giving help and assistance." Girl Talk offers these suggestions for exercising your supportiveness: helping your mother around the house, babysitting for a mom of young children, financially supporting a sponsor child, etc.
The second characteristic is responsive, defined as "an inclination to cooperate with and respond to appropriate leadership structures." Carolyn Mahaney puts it well: "this aspect of femininity is not limited to married women, since we all should display an appropriate attitude toward proper authorities in our lives. First and foremost are parents, then godly pastors, teachers, and the governing authorities."
Finally, comes nurturing or "an inclination to provide care and strength to others." We understand that for married women this applies to care of the family and the home. For others this may apply to siblings, children that you babysit, children in the church nursery, the elderly in a nursing home, or the elderly home-bound in your church. Our feminine nurture and care are an expression of Christ's love.
So, don't assume that all these Scriptures to women don't apply to you if you aren't married with children. I am sure we can all think of many more examples than the few mentioned above. We are all called to God's biblical design for us as women or as men of any age or situation, and in our obedience we beautifully display the gospel of Christ.

"If only I could be (fill in the blank) like mom..."

2009-09-10T09:25:00.002-04:00

In one of the opening chapters of Girl Talk, Nicole Whitacre discusses some of the big and not-so-big differences between she and her mom. In her words, they are as different as "roast beef and sushi." But the following quote is what really brought tears to my eyes (which doesn't happen often). She writes that she frequently tells people, "If only I could be godly like her, then I'd be happy."
What a simple but weighty statement. The great magnitude of our responsibility as mothers to our daughters (and sons!) is encapsulated in Nicole's words. I humbly pray that my children would be able to say this of me one day, to the glory of our Father. I pray that by the power of the Holy Spirit that I would "put off [my] old self, which belongs to [my] former manner of life and is corrupt through deceitful desires, and be renewed in the spirit of [my] mind, and put on the new self, created after the likeness of God in true righteousness and holiness (Eph 4:22-23)" so that my children may "see [my] good works and give glory to [our] Father who is in heaven (Matt 5:16)."

Once Upon a Time, There Were No Teenagers?

2009-09-09T09:41:00.008-04:00

(Note: My wonderful husband gently reminded me yesterday that I have not been "letting my words be few" on here the past week or so. So, I will be posting no more than once a day :)

Did you know that there have not always been adolescents/teenagers/whatever you want to call them? It's true! These terms and, indeed, these concepts are actually quite modern. Today the term adolescent and its synonyms are associated with some sort of inevitable and ominous in-between period that occurs around age thirteen and lasts until a child becomes an "adult." Many assume that this is actually a biological phenomenon that causes all sorts of issues for the "teen." Adolescence is associated with varying degrees of rebellion, testing parental authority, irresponsibility, foolishness, and strife. But listen to these words from Elisabeth Elliot that I have heard echoed many times from other members of older generations:

"We were never teenagers. I can't help being very thankful that the term had not been thought of in my day. I think it spared us some silliness and some real pain. It has become an accepted label for a stage in life usually dreaded by parents and relished by children as a time when anything goes. But this is an invention of modern times and affluent societies....We were not taught to expect a stage of chaos and rebellion. Some prophecies are self-fulfilling. If they're never heard they never happen."

And from author Tedd Tripp:

"Most books written about teenagers presume rebellion or at least testing the limits of parental control. My assumption is the opposite. My assumption is that you have carried out your parenting task with integrity and that your children, in the words of Titus 1:6, "are not open to the charge of being wild and disobedient."

Is it possible that we expect too little of children when they reach "that age?" We expect that they are capable of no more than "just being a teenager." And isn't it true that, especially as mothers, our assumptions about the inevitabilities of the future cause us great fear as we draw ever closer to that ominous age, the teen-age? Carolyn Mahaney writes in Girl Talk:

"Everything I'd ever heard about parenting teenagers was negative and alarming....Our culture simply assumes that the teenage years are a time of rebellion against parental authority, as if biological change triggers and inevitable sinful reaction....The ghosts of my mothering future never materialized. I don't mean to say there weren't difficulties to work through and challenges to overcome....I wish I trusted God more. For every fearful peek into the future I wish I had looked to Christ instead...God is not sympathetic to my unbelief. Why? Because fear, worry, and unbelief say to God that we don't really believe that He is 'merciful and gracious, slow to anger and abounding in steadfast love and faithfulness' (Psalm 86:15). We are calling God a liar....The truth of Christ's life, death, and resurrection is our hope as mothers. The power of the gospel means that teenage rebellion is not inevitable. Tedd Tripp concurs: 'You have reason for hope as parents who desire to see your children have faith. The hope is in the power of the gospel. The gospel is suited to the human condition. The gospel is attractive. God has already shown great mercy to your children. He has given them a place of rich privilege. He has placed them in a home where they have heard his truth. They have seen the transforming power of grace in the lives of his people. Your prayer and expectation is that the gospel will overcome their resistance as it has yours.' "

Start Your Family

2009-09-08T15:04:00.003-04:00

I added a new blog to the sidebar today called Start Your Family (also the title of their new book) by Steve and Candice Watters. I found it via the GirlTalk blog (the sisters did an interview for Start Your Family). As far as I can tell, this is a great blog for young Christian families and couples...all about the joys of having kids and what the Bible has to say about it! I looked at everything that time allowed this afternoon on the blog, and I did not find anything questionable. I am always a little hesitant to recommend things; I pray that you will find nothing but scripturally sound encouragement and advice on the Watters' blog. Ready, set, START YOUR FAMILY!

Breakfast Just Got Easier! Pancake Muffins!

2009-09-07T19:01:00.003-04:00

Is it a pancake or a muffin? Hmmm? I am so excited about this super easy recipe that I have to share it! No standing in front of a hot stove flipping anymore!

Easy Pancake Muffins

2 cups pancake mix

1 egg

1 cup water

3 Tbsps pancake syrup

chocolate chips, optional

Mix it all together with a whisk, and bake for 20 minutes at 350 degrees. That's it! Really! Eat it like a pancake with lots of syrup! Make it the night before for an easy weekend "pancake" breakfast!

Girl Talk: Mother-Daughter Conversations on Biblical Womanhood by Carolyn Mahaney and Nicole Whitacre

2009-09-07T11:05:00.005-04:00

On to the next book! I am very excited to start today reading Girl Talk: Mother-Daughter Conversations on Biblical Womanhood by Carolyn Mahaney and Nicole Whitacre.
I have been wanting to read this for a while, and now I have a good reason since we are expecting a girl! I am thrilled and humbled by my impending responsibility to impart the truth of Scripture on biblical womanhood to Adin. I am looking forward to the scriptural wisdom and experience that this mother/daughter author team has to offer in this book. More in a few weeks when I finish...!

BOOK REVIEW: Idols of the Heart

2009-09-07T10:22:00.004-04:00

I started reading Idols of the Heart: Learning to Long for God Alone by Elyse Fitzpatrick a few weeks ago, and I promised to let you know what I thought when I finished. Well, I am done, and this one definitely goes on the recommended reading list. As I mentioned before, this book is written with a female audience in mind, although the concepts apply to both men and women. She exposes and addresses the sin of idolatry in our hearts with great biblical soundness. I appreciate the fact that Scripture is the foundation for everything she writes in this book. If this were not the case, I would not recommend it--period.

At the end of each chapter she offers questions to help us examine our own hearts in order to discover, confess, and repent of idolatry. This format makes this book ideal for use in a group Bible study setting (reading a chapter a week and using the questions for study and discussion).

This may not be the most fun read, simply because it is sure to convict of sin. But this, of course, is a good thing for believers as we seek to grow in the image of our Lord.

Do Your Homework

2009-09-03T14:50:00.003-04:00

Here is an article written by Heather Koerner on what she wishes she would have known and done prior to becoming a homemaker. As with all the other articles, etc. that I periodically post, I hope you will take two or three minutes and read it. It think you will find it quite worthwhile!

"That's just how women are!"

2009-09-03T14:40:00.005-04:00

I immediately felt a prick in my spirit after saying these words to James one day, and he called me on it. "Does that mean it's okay?" he said. What am I talking about? Well, talking--I am talking about talking...a lot...going on and on and on...monopolizing the conversation.
Now, don't get me wrong; the act of talking is not inherently sinful, and having a lot to say is not necessarily sinful either. BUT, let's look at Solomon's observations in Ecclesiastes. He writes:

"a fool's voice [comes] with many words. (Ecc 5:3)"
"Let not your mouth lead you into sin (Ecc 5:6)"
"[when] words grow many, there is vanity (Ecc 5:7)"

King Solomon observes correctly that often when words are many one is speaking foolishly with a heart of pride and vanity. So let us be challenged to be aware of the motivation of our hearts before we speak so that we might not be led into sin.

Welcome

2009-09-03T13:29:00.000-04:00

It is easy with a husband in vocational ministry to somehow feel as if you can piggy-back on his faithfulness. Let me explain...when your husband is about the business of sharing the gospel, when it is talked about at home, etc., etc. it is easy to overlook your own shortcomings in light of his faithfulness. For me, I have been convicted for a while of my lack of faithfulness to share the gospel. I have all sorts of excuses--as a homemaker I am at home most of the time...when I am out it is usually with family or church family...we don't have much money...my husband is a church planter--all pretty pitiful excuses when I look at them now.

So, here is a challenging word for you and me from Nicole Whitacre:
“A home from a biblical perspective” explains Lisa Tatlock, “is to be a place of refuge and a center for evangelism.”
How can you make your home a center for evangelism? Simply invite someone in. Maybe ask a neighbor or a fellow student or coworker over for dinner or dessert. Throw a party with friends from church and invite some non-Christian friends as well. Have a family to your home for a cookout or include neighborhood kids in a birthday party. When we invite non-Christians into our home we invite them into our lives. We give them a chance to see us up-close and personal; to observe our family, our marriage, our parenting. Our hope is not that they would be impressed with us, but that they would see God’s grace at work in our homes. In this way, hospitality can present the gospel as attractive to those who do not yet know Christ.
And let me also add, that while our home-life can be a witness to the gospel, we should not hold back from hospitality simply because our kids aren’t fully trained, or our house isn’t perfectly organized or clean. God will use even our weaknesses and shortcomings; and our humility to allow others to see us as we are is an evidence of His grace.
John Piper gives us this biblical charge: “Don’t ever underestimate the power of your living room as a launching pad for new life and hope and ministry and mission!”

Remembering that I will give an account before God for myself (not for my husband), I want to begin to be more faithful, particularly within my home, to share the gospel. I hope you will, too!

Reading List

2009-09-02T21:07:00.001-04:00

I have decided to make myself a reading list (got the idea from the GirlTalk blog ladies). I have no idea how long it will take me to get through it. Usually when I get a new book I get so excited that I finish it in a matter of two or three days. However, I have discovered that this method of reading is not always the most beneficial when it comes to really getting the most from what you are reading, particularly when the book pertains to spiritual matters.

I know that wives and moms don't always have tons of extra time for reading, but even if you can spare fifteen minutes before bed, it can be a great avenue for spiritual growth.

Here is my list so far:

-Big Truths for Young Hearts: Teaching and Learning the Greatness of God by Bruce Ware

-Comforts From the Cross: Celebrating the Gospel One Day at a Time by Elyse Fitzpatrick

-Does Christianity Squash Women? A Christian Looks at Womanhood by Rebecca Jones
-Helper by Design: God's Perfect Plan for Women in Marriage by Elyse Fitzpatrick
-Keep a Quiet Heart by Elisabeth Elliot
-Radical Womanhood: Feminine Faith in a Feminist World by Carolyn McCulley
-The Bookends of the Christian Life by Jerry Bridges and Bob Bevington
-The Feminist Mistake: The Radical Impact of Feminism on Church and Culture by Mary A. Kassian
-The Shaping of a Christian Family: How My Parents Nurtured My Faith by Elisabeth Elliot
-Treasuring God in Our Traditions by Noel Piper
-What Our Mothers Didn't Tell Us: Why Happiness Eludes The Modern Woman by Danielle Crittenden
-Withhold Not Correction by Bruce Ray
-Womanly Dominion: More Than a Gentle and Quiet Spirit by Mark Chanski
-Women Helping Women: A Biblical Guide to Major Issues Women Face by Elyse Fitzpatrick
-Worldliness: Resisting the Seduction of a Fallen World by C. J. Mahaney

It Means Exactly What It Says

2009-09-01T13:27:00.000-04:00

"And because you are sons, God has sent the Spirit of his Son into our hearts, crying, 'Abba! Father!' So you are no longer a slave, but a son, and if a son, then an heir through God." -Galatians 4:6-7

There are many instances in Scripture, like the passage above, that cause the feathers of feminists to be ruffled and the curiosity of many Christians to be peaked--but we usually just write it off as just one of those things that doesn't really mean what it says. Maybe it's just a cultural difference between now and when it was written...maybe we can just assume that 'daughters' can be inserted into the passage along with 'sons' without any problem.
But there is a problem, and it is this: The inspired writers of Scripture made no mistake when they wrote these words. Scripture is intentional and "breathed out by God (2 Timothy 3:16)." So, then, is Scripture chauvinistic? Is it demeaning to women?
On the contrary! Female believers are indeed "heirs through God"; however, this does not mean we can just insert the word 'daughters.' Why? The word 'son' is intentionally used here to communicate the fact that we are in the position to receive the inheritance of the saints in Christ. Paul was writing to a culture where the sons were the ones who received the inheritance within a family, not the daughters. To say that we are no longer slaves, but daughters or sons and daughters would have made no sense. It would have failed to communicate the key point of the passage that we are heirs with Christ.
So, rather than Scripture demeaning women here, we see that Scripture elevates women by including us, not merely as children, but as heirs.

Elisabeth Elliot on Femininity

2009-09-01T10:19:00.000-04:00

Here is a link to an essay by Elisabeth Elliot (wife of martyred missionary Jim Elliot) published in the book pictured to the right (which, by the way, is definitely a worthy addition to your personal library--man or woman). Take a moment to read it, and while you are there take a look at the other great resources offered on the website for The Council for Biblical Manhood and Womanhood.

Get Ready for Christmas!

2009-08-31T17:29:00.000-04:00

You heard me right! It's time to start preparing! For many, the thought of Christmas makes them cringe...Christmas equals the longest to-do list of the year. But it doesn't have to be that way, nor should it. Here are a few simple ways to make the Christmas season as wonderful as it should be:
1) Plan Ahead!
*Go ahead and start buying your gifts a few at a time; it will save you time and help your budget for the month of December!
*Compile a list on your computer of all the names and addresses for any Christmas cards you will send.
*Shop now for wrapping supplies and decorations so that when you need them you already have them. Hobby Lobby already has their full Christmas section out.
2) Make it special!
It is never too late to start some family traditions and to plan for them. This will only be our third Christmas as a family but we have a few things that we want to try to do each year. We watch the movie "The Nativity Story" (it is awesome!). If we are at our house Christmas morning we will ALWAYS have cinnamon rolls for breakfast (gigantic ones with lots of icing, not wimpy ones). We hang stockings and stuff them (I am talking things like candy bars, not iPods). We put up our decorations the day after Thanksgiving and take them down the day after Christmas. This year I am going to make an advent calendar with a 25-day Christmas Scripture reading plan that I found...you get the idea--special things that your family can consistently look forward to each season.
3) Make it what it should be--about Christ!
Take inventory of your Christmas season and everything that goes with it. Find the areas where your Christmas celebration may be pointing to something other than Christ, and do what you can to change that.
More on this later...for now do a little planning and a little shopping here and there and I promise you won't regret it!

Stumped No More!

2009-08-29T21:36:00.000-04:00

Here is one more link! This is an old GirlTalk post that I stumbled upon today while researching another topic for Sunday school tomorrow, and boy is it a good one. Take a moment to read this post on the "saved through childbearing (1 Tim 2:15)" issue in Scripture and what it means.